


The Roaring Twenties

by tinsworthisunderrated



Series: Killer on Repeat [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Lots of it, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Murder, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, mafia, prepare to cry, ryan bergara - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-04 10:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinsworthisunderrated/pseuds/tinsworthisunderrated
Summary: My name is Richard James Goldsworth and I was a serial killer. This is the story of my life, well at least the crucial details. I’m telling you this because I want you to know my story so that you can help me. I’ll start in the winter of 1922.





	1. Chapter One

The victim that started it all was William Desmond Taylor, the “famous” director. He was a rat bastard who left his wife behind. God, men like him disgusted me, so I killed them, it was a simple fix to humanity. Most people knew me as the Hollywood Hunter, however, you already know me as Ricky. 

After Mr. Taylor died, I fled to New York City to avoid capture by Mr Simmons. He was the bull that worked my case back in California. I knew it would be harder to catch me in New York since two killers ran around at the time. One of them was Albert Fish. I hated the piker with a burning passion. He raped little boys and I had my eyes set on murdering him because of it. 

Contrary to popular belief, I was more of a vigilante than a serial killer. However, I do appreciate the title; makes me feel like I was interesting. Usually I killed rapist and wife beaters and all those pill that deserved to be bumped off. Before you start preaching that I was a good man, let me fill you in on something. I did kill in cold blood a couple of times. It was for Mr. Luciano, that mob leader that ran The Big Apple for a while. He was a swell guy I suppose. My teacher, Mr. Fitz worked for him. The only reason I was allowed into a white mans school is because I worked with Luciano.

I went to Kings College on a full ride. For the time being, I was probably the smartest colored person in the state of New York. My aunt Elizabeth and her partner Gwen taught me well. The mafia helped as well but I left that detail out when I told them I got accepted. I studied medicine and got a basic degree before I left for Hollywood.

I’m not completely sure why I went back to Hollywood; I hated it there. I was born there, and my mother Lucy wasn’t really there mentally. My father was an abusive bastard and the whole issue at the church. Luckily I was smart enough to know when to fight back and I managed to live a good life after a while. 

When I got to New York is when my life truly changed. I walked around Central Park to reminisce when a very rude man threw slurs my way. I’ve heard every racist word in the book and nothing bothered me by that point. However the word fag popped up and that’s when it started getting its modern meaning. Before I could do anything a very tall gentleman came to my defense.

“Listen here,” he barked, “you leave him alone or I’ll have you arrested for public intoxication.” The pill flipped the bird and promptly stalked off. “I apologize for that man,” he said sweetly, “not the best way to start your day ia it?” I flashed him a friendly smile, “it’s quite alright, thank you for defending me.” He nodded once and extended his hand, “I’m C.C by the way, C.C Tinsley to be precise.” Happily I grasped his hand firmly, “Ricky Goldsworth at your service.” 

We walked around and talked for nearly two hours and boy did he say things that made me blush.   
“You’re an accomplished man Mr. Goldsworth,” he injected kindly, “You’re a swell fella.” I laughed, “I’m just a student,” I blurted, “you’re a famous detective, it’s like I’m walking with royalty.” He smiled politely, “you’re the only regal thing in this city Mr. Goldsworth.” My face flushed bright red, “you don’t even know me Detective.” C.C shrugged, “True,” he murmured, “but I’d like too.”

After a while we said our fairwells and went our separate ways. Tinsley was the best man I have ever met in my entire life. He was kind, courageous and absolutely handsome. Your friend looks exactly like him and any discomfort that you feel around him is my doing. I apologize for the past and in advance. 

At any rate, I found myself a comfortable place to stay and began to do my work. Well, I tried to anyway. The first person I wanted gone was Mr. Albert Fish but lord have mercy he was hard to find. He was a prostitute and those were very hard to find in the daylight. I settled to wait until Saturday night to hunt for the bastard.

That was poor decision making in my part. Instead of finding him, I got myself in a bit of trouble. I wounded up with a gun against my head in a bar off Broadway. However this time, I fought back and hard. I socked him in the jaw and kicked him were the sun doesn’t shine. I left a few lacerations on his face. However, I walked out with a black eye and a cut the size of Utah across my cheek. Once again, Detective Tinsley arrived to be of some assistance.

The beat cop that was with him at the time arrested the guy while he escorted me to an ambulance. “I’m fine C.C,” I groaned irritatedly, “it’s just a slash and I’m a grown man.” He smiled, “it’s not just a slash and please, call me Carter.” I blushed slightly, “a-alright Carter. I’m fine; swell in fact.” Tinsley rolled his eyes, “get patched up, I’ll drive you home.” I grabbed his arm, “there’s no need to do that,” I interjected, “don’t waste your precious time on me.” Carter gave me a tender look before he spoke, “any time I spend with you isn’t wasted. Get patched up, I’ll wait for you.”

I got stitched up and walked over to his beautiful car. “Lovely ride,” I complimented, “she must’ve cost a fortune.” C.C smiled as he pulled out a box of cigarettes, “she’s a gift actually, some big shot thought I earned it.” He offered me a ciggy which I happily accepted and we climbed inside his car. “You must of earned it,” I chirped, “she’s the bees knees.” The detective simply shrugged, “I was just doing my job.”

That’s when I realized I carried the torch for  
Tinsley. It wasn’t strong then but I felt it light. It wasn’t quite a torch, it was more of a match. I wondered if he felt it too but I concluded that he didn’t.

He dropped me off at my hotel and I waved him fair well. Before he drove away he asked, “will I see you around?” I smirked and answered slyly, “of course we wil. You know where to find me.” Tinsley drove away and I thought to myself that he will only see me again if I got in trouble.

Apparently I was right.


	2. Chapter Two

A week after my last encounter with Tinsley is when I hunted for Mr. Fish again. He was a big six though he appeared pretty harmless. Looks can be deceiving, after all, I did become fast friends with a detective. I marched up Broadway and attempted to find the brothel he worked at. Funny enough, I didn’t really expect him to be there.

I heard screaming from the second floor, it sounded like a child. Unfortunately I knew what the situation was before I moved one muscle. Nethertheless, I had to be ready for it. Instinctively I rushed upstairs trying to find where the child could be. When I found him he was on top of a little boy. I really wanted to kill him but I needed him for a little while longer. To stop him from harming that boy any farther I whipped out my pp-k and shot it in the air. Al jumped up about ten feet in the air and I grabbed the little boy as fast as I could.

“Ricky, you fucking piker” he growled “you know my rules, Al. You’re just lucky I haven’t bumped you off yet.” The little boy was quivering like mad, he kept trying to speak but he would always get choked up. I turned around and faced him, “I want you to run as fast as you can, okay?” Since I really hated Mr. Fish, I told that boy to do something I’ve never done, talk to the police. The boy was paralyzed out of fear and shock. I whispered with as much confidence as I could muster, “he won’t get away I promise you.” After I was finished calming the poor kid, he bolted out the door faster than lightning. 

“God Dammit Rick” he groaned “why do have to always ruin everything?” I rolled my eyes and pointed my gun at him “you’re a sick son of a bitch, you know that?” I cocked my gun and aimed at his throat. “I should’ve killed you when I was here last.” Before I knew it the rat bastard rushed me and slammed up against the wall. My gun fired right next to my head and my left ear rang loudly. It landed somewhere in the room, but I couldn’t where. That’s when everything went to hell.

He began to choke me and for a brief moment, I felt fear. Funny, I’ve never really felt afraid for my life before then. It only lasted for a second, though. I quickly socked him in the jaw and he fell back. My Walther PPK was in the left corner of the room, so I rushed over to grab ut. Albert predicted my actions and he tackled me to the ground. There was a window nearby us and I planned to throw him out of it if given the chance.. Mr. Fish apparently had the same idea as he quickly swiped the gun off the floor and shot the glass out of the frame. We tussled on the floor for a moment before he lifted me up off the ground. I fought like hell, I really did, but this bastard overpowered me in strength. Al attempted to push me out the broken window but I held on to the remnants of glass with all my strength. I remember feeling my heart and stomach drop as I fell. Truth be told, I was more than prepared to die by then. After you run for so long, your legs get tired.

I was groggy when I came too but I remember the feeling of warm hands cups my face. The voice I heard was unbelievably soft and kind, “Ricky? Ricky, can you hear me?” Slowly, I opened my eyes and was greeted with the handsome C.C Tinsley. “Ricky” he whispered, “are you alright?” His voice was filled with genuine concern, it made me very happy considering the circumstances. “I believe so” I breathed and attempted to sit upright. His arm slipped around my torso and held my back up for support. “Are you hurt at all?” he asked quietly, and I shook my head. However, that action caused me to have a severe headache and I groaned in agony. He placed a hand on my shoulder as if to steady me. I don’t remember if I was swaying at all, but I do remember feeling elated at C.C’s touch. It was warm and seemingly loving, I enjoyed everything about it. “Can you stand” he quizzed, and I pondered for a moment before saying yes. I must have been out of it because I lied like a sonuvabitch. As I stood I felt a sharp pain in my thigh and began to feel dizzy. 

My body began to ache like mad. The adrenaline from the fall and the fist to cuff before it wanied slightly. Before I could react, my legs gave out. However, I did not greet the concrete thanks to the darling Tinsley. His long, surprisingly muscular arms wrapped firmly around my waist and helped me to a standing position. “It seems you’re hurt worse than I thought,” he fretted, “I’ll aid you to the ambulance.” Now I wasn’t one to ask for help, nor accept it when offered, but Tinsley had that effect on me. 

Once we got there C.C instructed the doctors to do their jobs and sat down next to me. “Ricky,” he said softly, “tell me what you remember.” “Well,” I began, “I was walking down the street and I heard screaming from this building. Naturally I assumed someone was hurt so I ran in to provide assistance. Then I saw a man, trying have his way with a young boy. I intervened and the pill threw me out the window.” One of the EMTs snapped my shoulder back into place and I winced slightly. It wasn’t the first time I had popped it out of socket. 

“Damn,” Tinsley hissed, “I can’t believe something like this happened.” I placed my hand on his shoulder, “Bad things happen C.C, but there’s no need to get upset. I’m alright.” He glanced over at me with anger, “Yeah you look swell alright,” he scoffed “You were thrown out a goddamn window.” A small smile crossed my face, “C.C look at me,” I instructed. He did so, and I let out a short sigh, “I’m perfectly fine, my friend. Please, take a breath and relax.” Tinsley smiled softly and nodded. He was about to say something to me when a doctor said “Detective, I need a word with you.” Without hesitation he rose and flashed me a kind look before walking with the doctor. 

Suddenly my head began to spin like mad, and I felt like I was going to be sick. The adrenaline must’ve disappeared because every part of my body ached like hell. I felt myself crumple to the ground as I began to gasp for air. My lungs burned and my chest felt like it was on fire. “H..elp,” I choked out, but no one heard me. Now I was a trained physician, I had my basic degree in medical science. However, the pain I felt completely distracted me from the fact that I could indeed save myself. 

I called out again, but it wasn’t the doctor that came, it was my detective. Before I processed what had happened, I was already in Tinsleys arms. “Jesus H Christ,” he murmured nervously, obviously scared of the situation he was now put in. “Hold on,” he quavered fearfully, “I’ll get the doctor.” Let me reiterate that I wasn’t thinking straight at the time, and that my decisions weren’t really the best to make.

I reached up and secured my arms around Tinsleys shoulders, “please don’t leave.” Our embrace lasted until I felt my consciousness slip. The last thing I heard was the detective yell for help and how it shook with apprehension. 

I woke up in a bleak room. It smelled of medicine, iron, and sickness. Despite the fact that I worked to get a medical degree, I hated hospitals. It’s the main reason I never started a residency. I was alone in my quiet little sick room which upset me. How I wished that C.C was there, I was very fond of him as you can see. Right from the beginning, I knew I had to be with him. Everything about him was wonderful and different compared to everyone I’ve ever met. I silently hoped he would walk through the door but that didn’t happen. However, a very pretty nurse walked in a gave me a glass of water. Her name was Jordan, and she was very lovely. We chatted for a little while about little things here and there. She became my best friend after a while

After a moment or two, I finally got the guts to ask her if anyone has come to see me. She thought about for a moment, which I saw as a bad sign, but to my surprise, she said yes. “ Oh! It was Carter. He’s a dear ain’t he?” I nodded once and took a long swig of water. She smiled, “I grew up with the bimbo,” she joked, “he’s a real sweetheart but he’s so brash.” Once again, I nodded, “and stubborn,” I added, “he’s like a mule in that respect.” Jordan laughed, “before I forget,” she said amist giggles, “Carter said he’d call you soon.”

With that, she left and I was once again alone. However, I preferred it that way at this point. It gave me time to think about my work and the enigmatic Mr. Tinsley. Would he interfere with my work? Would I put him in danger? If so, what should I do? These are questions I had but that were answered at some point. At the time, I just wanted to do my damn job. However, it had wait. I was still weak from the fall after all. I was there for a few days, but that gave me more time to plan my newest crime scene and how I could grow closer to the swell C.C Tinsley.


	3. Chapter Three

It was a warm day in New York City which was surprising since it was winter. I was in that blasted hospital for three days! When the doctor came and told me that I would be released that day; I was beyond excited. I hated hospitals but I truly loved Ms. Jordan Scott. We became very good friends over those three days. She even came in to chat with me before she went home. It was around 9 o’clock when I heard a soft knock on the door. 

It was Nurse Jordan in her street clothes. She looked ravishing, to tell the truth. “Good morning Ricky,” she said cheerfully as she closed the door behind her. “Morning Jordan,” I replied sitting up straight, “how are you?” “I’m the bee’s knees,” she giggled “you?” “And how,” I laughed, “I get to leave this place today. How much better can I be?” Jordan put her arms around her back and gave me a nervous look. “What’s the matter,” I asked her and swallowed “Ricky, May I ask you a question?” There’s a lot of things she could’ve asked me at that moment and I felt a little nervous but I said yes anyway. “Are you a..” she leaned in close and lowered her voice, “homosexual?” That was not was I was expecting so I started to laugh. “Was I that obvious?” I laughed so hard I thought I might faint. 

“Well basing it off your expression when I mentioned Carter, I guess you were obvious.” I stopped laughing at that point “C.C…” She put her hands up in the air and smiled “it’s okay, he is irresistible.” We stared at each other for a moment before I spoke: “are you in love with him?” She put her hands down, “No. Are you?” I straightened myself and rubbed the back of my neck, “yes I believe I am.” Jordan giggled, “well I’d better be heading home. Thank you for beating gums with me.” I smiled “of course,” and she opened the door. 

“Jordan?” The nurse turned around and looked at me “Do you hate me..because I’m not ..normal?” “No Mr. Goldsworth,” she said, “would you hate me if I weren’t?” The thought crossed my mind, but I couldn’t hate her if I tried . “No ms, I wouldn’t” I replied, “then we have a solidarity. Goodbye Mr. Goldsworth.” Jordan also confessed that Tinsley and she have known each other since childhood. No wonder he loved her.

Everything was copacetic! When the doc came in and told me I could leave that dreadful place, I got dressed as fast as I could. As soon as I slipped on my trench coat I heard a knock at the door. “You can come in” I called out as grabbed my bag from the chair.

To my pleasant surprise, Mr. Tinsley entered the room. “Hello Mr. Goldsworth,” he said cheerfully, “I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better.” I smiled and walked towards him “I’m glad to see you in general” I purred lightly. He smirked, “is that so,” he sibilated as he approached me, “to be honest with you, I was worried about you.” I was stunned, he just met me and he was already smitten. 

“That’s..mighty kind of you...Carter” I murmured, not knowing what to say. Immediately I said “sorry, to cause you so much trouble I-“ “it’s not that. I’m just surprised you think my worry is considered kindness.” “It is kindness!” I blurted out, “no one has ever expressed their worry for me.” He has a shocked expression on his face when I told him this. “No one,” he asked, “a girlfriend or maybe your parents?” “Especially not my parents” I replied as walked around him, “I hate to cut this short but I need to find a place to stay, I’ve only been in New York for fourteen days and I’ve spent three of them here.”

As soon as I stepped outside my old hospital room I heard his voice call after me, “Mr. Goldsworth! I mean—Ricky!” He Stepped outside the room and held out a slip of paper, “If you can’t find anywhere to stay, please, don’t hesitate to call me.” My face flushed a bright pink and I took the paper from him, “thank you C.C, you are a good man.” 

“I’m just as good as anyone else,” he disagreed shyly “but thank you for the compliment.” We walked towards the elevator together, “Carter,” I said “would you mind waiting here for a moment? I want to call my mother.” He smiled brightly, “Of course Ricky, I’ll wait for you.” Cheerfully I made my way over to the Receptionist desk, ”excuse me ms? May I use the phone?” She nodded calmly and set the telephone on the counter. I happily thanked her and picked up the phone. The cool voice of the operator filled my ears, “hello! Who would you like to talk to?” “Hi, would you please connect me to Mr. Marcus Baker up in Royal City, Washington?” The operator laughed and quickly connected me to Washington. 

Suddenly a shrill voice filled the silence, “Hello?” Goddamnit, I thought, its Loreane. She was the biggest bitch on the west coast let me tell you. I hated her, but she was family, so I couldn’t kill her.

“Hi Loreane,” I said with the fakest voice I could muster, “may I speak to Gwen?” “Oh hi Ricky, sure let me get her,” she said and there was silence for a few moments. Then the sweet voice of my aunt filled my ear, “Hello Ricky.” “Hi Gwen,” I chortled, “I made it to New York!” She laughed, “weren’t you supposed to be there weeks ago?” I sighed, “I have been here for three days, but I was in the hospital.” “How in God’s green earth did you end up in the hospital!?” she yelled, and I laughed nervously. 

“It’s a long story mom but-” I paused and glanced over at Tinsley who was lighting a cigarette, “I can’t really talk long, my friend is waiting for me.” Her voice perked up, “a friend,” she asked, “what’s the name?” “Carter,” I said with a smile, “his name is Carter.” Gwen laughed, “oh hun, I’m so happy for you! Will there be an announcement about the two of you in the future?” Gwen knew me very well. She could already tell I was in love with him. My cheeks flushed a bright red, “maybe..hopefully anyway.” “Sorry mom, I have to go,” I said quickly, “its okay hun, talk soon?” “Without a doubt” I replied and we both hung up. 

I thanked the receptionist and rushed over to C.C, “are you ready to go?” He smiled and nodded as we stepped into the elevator, “do you want a ciggy?” A smile crept across my face, “yes, please” I said quickly and immediately took one. “I’ve been craving one all day!” Carter took a large puff and blew it out, “so...how are you liking New York?” I took a puff, “it’s the cat’s pajamas” I said quickly, “even though I’ve been locked in hell for three days.” He frowned, “I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you. I really wanted to but works been maddening. Plus I’m still looking for the rat bastard that hurt you” he explained rather calm. 

“Carter,” I breathed, “You’re a Detective, Don’t take your focus away from work because of me.” He glanced at me but quick looked away. Whatever I said to him didn’t get through. Now I hate to repeat myself, but I was willing to do it in order to make him understand. “C.C Tinsley you listen to me,” I barked, “I don’t want you to put me on some pedestal. You can’t ignore your duties especially when some dumb bimbo like me gets in trouble!”

“You are not dumb!” Carter countered, “I don’t wanna hear you say things like that, understand?” He looked over at me with fiery concern. “I spent the whole time sitting at my desk thinking about you. All I could see was you laying there, writhing in my arms. It was eating at me, it was-” he paused and glanced down at me, “it was hurting me, Ricky.” My breath hitched as he looked back towards the elevator door, “when I met you in the park, it was like you tamed lightning. However, when I held you in my arms, unconscious and sickly, it scared me so bad. I thought I’d never see you again, alive anyway, I just wanted to be okay.”

We were both silent for a moment, as I placed my hand on his cheek. “Tinsley,” I whispered, “you have no idea how much I needed to hear that.” He smiled lightly and leaned in, “I’m glad you’re okay.” “C.C... I-” before I could confess, the doors opened and we separated fast. Funny enough, the face we saw was nurse Jordan. “Morning loves,” she giggled as we stepped out, “good to see the both of you together.” I smiled, “it’s good to see you as well Ms. Scott.” Happily she hopped into the elevator and disappeared. “She’s a doll ain’t she?” Carter asked nonchalantly, “And how.”

 

After we exited the hospital we sadly parted ways. However, I didn’t feel like finding a place knowing that Carter’s place was open to me. After a few hours, I did decide to take him up on that offer. That happened later though. Now, that I was free, I decided to head to Kings College to visit my professor. I needed a favor from him anyway. Tinsley hailed a Taxi Cab and after walking around, so did I. 

It was quite a long drive from the hospital to Kings College but it really was worth it. We pulled in at around 12:30 pm and I was happy as a clam. Quickly, I bounded to the medical hallway to my teacher's classroom. When I got down there, a flood of students exited the room and dispersed in several directions. Mr. Fitz stood next to the door as said farewell to some of his students and reminded them of a paper that was due soon. “Hello Mr. Fitz,” I chirped kindly, “it’s been a long time hasn’t it?” “Richard!” he exclaimed and clapped me on the back, “it’s good to see ya son! How have you been? How was Hollywood?” I smiled falsely “it was a terrific bore, but I did work a lot.” We walked into the empty classroom and shut the door. I turned to him and he looked at me curiously, “so what are you doing in New York?”

A few thoughts fluttered in my mind along with a few lies. Each truth spread its wings like a butterfly while lies soared like moths. The question was, which would help me at the time? “Work,” I answered simply, “and I was wondering if you could help me with that.” “Help?” he asked approaching his desk, “what kind of help?” Mr. Fitz sat down and I leaned against his desk, “I want you to teach me again.”

“In exchange for what?” he stared at me with vacant eyes. In all my years, I have never found a man harder to read than Mr. Fitz. “My services of course” I smirked cockily, “you are still working for Charles Luciano aren’t you?” He looked impressed yet surprised by my memory of his ‘side-job’ but he nodded for me to continue. “I will carry out the jobs he gives you in exchange for complex medical curriculum. I know I’ve got a basic but I want a bachelor so, won’t you do me the honor?”

He leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment, “you’re willing to risk a normal life for an education?” A devilish smile crossed my face, “since when has a normal life enticed me?” A grin filled his old face, “then I think we have a deal,” he said calmly, “pleasure doing business with you Mr. Fitz.” I got up and walked towards the door, “oh Richard” he called out, “my messenger Jake is coming to see me tomorrow, I expect you’ll be ready by then?” My voice dropped an octave as I glanced over my shoulder, “can’t wait.” 

After I finished my business inquiries, I decided to get something to eat. Funny enough, I bumped into my good friend Lee Fei. He’s a lawyer from the Windy City, that I met at a party once. He’s queer but he hides it very well since he’s a lawman and all. That man could lie like whore with a rich man. Probably why he was a copacetic lawyer. I walked into a small diner and he was sitting in a booth alone. My brain registered that he was probably waiting for someone but I took a seat anyway. 

“Afternoon Lee,” I hummed “you look so lonely over here.” He smirked up at me as I sat down, “heya Ricky, you’re looking swell.” Lee sat up straight and smiled, “the hell are you doing back in here? Was Hollywood not good enough for ya?” If there’s one thing I remember about Mr. Fei, is that he loved to tease the hell outta me. “It was a terrific bore” I responded, “anyway, enough about me, why are you sitting here all alone?” He leaned back and traced his finger around the rim of his coffee cup, “I’m waiting for someone.” I hummed and leaned forward a bit, “Are you waiting for that guy? The one that you carry the torch for? What his name, Andrew?” “Atticus,” he said bluntly, “his name is Atticus, and can you keep your voice down? Some people aren’t as comfortable as you.” 

Reluctantly I nodded, but I had found a new topic “speaking of carrying the torch, I met someone.” “Oh really now” he teased, “what’s the name?” “Carter,” I beamed proudly, “his name is Carter. He’s very kind and very handsome.” He hummed quietly and smirked, “how’d you fall for him?” I didn’t know how to answer at first. When we met in the park, I was infatuated with him, but I wasn’t sure I was in love. I knew it then though. Lord, I knew it then. 

You know, scientists say it takes four minutes for someone to fall in love. Now I’m no expert on emotions, and I ain’t a shrink but I think that’s a lie. I saw him for the first time and I felt Cupid’s arrow pierce my chest. The park is when I thought I was in love but when I saw him outside that bar? I knew it was.

“I got my ass beat outside a bar,” I answered swiftly and scoffed the word, “typical.” I rolled my eyes and threw napkins at him, “don’t say mean things like that! I ain’t done yet!” He laughed and signaled me to continue, “Well he told me that every minute he spent with me was never wasted. My emotional equilibrium has been off since.” 

“Now tell me Lee,” I started, “how did you fall for Atticus?” He took a drink of his coffee and thought for a bit, “Probably when I met him. The hearts is a funny thing ain’t it? It puts you in a in a bad position and makes think that your safe.” I nodded in agreement but I got caught off guard when Mr. Fei began to laugh. “God I’m a love sick fool,” he chirped amidst sweet laughter, “he really knows how to make a strong man weak.”

“Aww” I cooed, “aren’t y’all something special.” He playful tossed a few napkins at me, “hush up Ricky! Now’s not the time, besides I want to know about your handsome hero.” Well, I told him the basics of how we met, and our endearing conversation at the hospital. If there's one thing Lee loved, it was gossip. I swear to you if he was raised in your day, he’d be very open. At any rate, after I explained my romance, he explained to me his many years of pining. Poor, poor Mr. Fei has loved Atticus since they met at school. It was actually a really nice story, lemme see if I can remember it well enough.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lee Fei is Steven Lim btw  
> Atticus is Andrew

“It was early fall at King’s College. More importantly, it’s the first day of school across New York. I had Mr. McCall, the old bastard that had no personality. The class was darb, but it was difficult to glean anything from his lectures. Anyway, that’s where I met my dear Atticus. He came in late and the teacher scolded him, which I found amusing at the time. That was, until I realized the son of a bitch was like every other white man. “As punishment for being late,” he bellowed, “I will sit you next to Mr. Fei, you know those Chinese men.” 

“I’m sorry,” he growled, “but did you call sitting next to him a punishment?” My face felt hot, I’m a very shy person, so it wasn’t fun for me. “How can you be so close-minded,” the man barked, “no one is below or above anyone, and that’s the law! Isn’t that what you teach, professor?” He swiftly walked towards me and sat down next to me. “Hello,” he murmured, “I’m sorry he’s such a pill, I think you're great.” I smiled, “you don’t even know me,” I replied, “I’m a palooka, really I am.”

“Hey,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, “I bet your brilliant, lay off yourself alright?” I blushed brightly, “t-thank you.” “No problem,” he chirped, “what your name?” “Lee Fei,” I replied, “I’m from Chicago.” “Well Lee Fei from Chicago, I’m Atticus Miller from Birmingham,” he said sweetly. A small laughed echoed from my lungs, “I think we’ll be great friends.” He smiled happily, “as do I.” That my friend is when my troubles began. For months on months, we worked closely together and we even ended up living together for some time. Then the night before our first prep case came along. 

 

“I crammed and prepared and fought, but everything fell apart. Before I knew it, I was on the floor of our apartment, crying. Fear and anxiety poured out of my eyes like a waterfall. In the midst of all my worry, I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. “Lee,” he asked, genuinely concerned, “Lee, what’s the matter?” “The case,” I wept, “I’ve tried and tried but it fell apart. I can’t lose this case or-or” Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me, “Hush now, no one worked on this case as hard as you, you’ll win, we’ll win.” I hugged him back, still crying, “I’m so scared, if we lose, those kids..¨ My voice trailed off as he sighed, ¨we will be fine. Trust me.¨

“From that day on, I was in love with Atticus. We won many cases and even got hired at the same law firm. Words cannot describe the wonder that is Atticus. His laugh is poetry, it’s full of meaning and love and light. His eyes are painted bluer than the first day of summer and the dark side of the moon. The stars seem to dim in his smile as it is the brightest thing man has known. For two years, my heart has been locked in his cage. I am his hostage, and he is yet to know how long I’ve been clinging to the bars. Time goes on and on and on and I pray harder and harder. A part of me is scared and another part is ready. My emotions blind my logic and my logic binds them this cage, I’m trapped in. Fear is all I have, it overpowers my love, and there are only two outcomes to fear; love or lose.” 

Suddenly a blonde figure entered the dinner, “don’t fret Lee,” I murmured sweetly, “he loves you, I can feel it.”

The evening hit before I even knew it. It was around 7:30 pm when I stepped inside the phone booth to call Tinsley. I dialed and briefly spoke to the operator and awaited his voice. “Hello” his smooth voice filled my ear, “Hi C.C it’s me, Ricky.” He shifted, “It’s nice to hear from you, what did you need?” I smiled, “I wanted to take you up on your offer earlier. See, no hotel in the area would house me and I’m running low on dough.” “Say no more,” he said cheerfully, “I’ll come to pick you up, where are you?” My heart fluttered, “the corner of Broadway and Ann street,” I heard a laugh on the other end, “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” “Alright then,” I said quickly, “thank you for this Carter.” “It’s nothing,” he replied, “anything for you Ricky.” My face flushed a bright red, “O-oh,” I stuttered, “thank you, Tinsley, I’ll see you soon.” I quickly hung and leaned against the glass, C.C really knew how to make me weak in the knees.

After a moment or two, I exited the booth and made my way to a nearby bench. Time ticked by lazily, fifteen minutes couldn’t have passed any slower. A Cacophony of purples oranges and pink dusted the New York skyline. The deep yellow star hung low on the horizon and sunk deeper with each passing minute. Shiny white fireflies appeared in the sky, decorating the city with natural lights.

After a while, a white Chrysler B-70 coasted the curb towards me. The driver was none other than C.C Tinsley. He looked so beautiful in the light of the evening. “Need a ride sugar” he teased as I approached the car, “hush up Carter,” I fired back, “you don’t want people to think your ‘taking someone for a ride’ do you?” Tinsley rolled his eyes, “hop in sugar, it’s getting dark and I’m tired as all get out.” I hopped in the car and flashed him a kind smile, “it’s nice to see you again Ricky.” “It’s always nice to see you Carter” I replied, “it’s like coming home if I’m being honest.” He pulled away from the curb and laughed, “ coincidentally you are going home, you're just going home with me.” A smile crossed my face, “thank you for letting me stay with you, it’s really kind of you.” Tinsley chuckled, “it’s no problem at all Ricky, I’m happy to have you. Having you at my house is absolutely perfect.” My heart was beating like a kettle drum, fast and hard. 

Everyone I had ever met had treated me like dirt, except for my aunts and Mr. Tinsley. Why was he so kind to me? When I went to church as a kid, pastors always told me the angels were kind, yet absolute. Carter is both of those things. “Maybe,” I said quietly, “Do you believe in angels Carter?” He thought for a moment, “I guess I do,” he answered simply, “I was raised to.” 

“If angels are real,” I started, “then I believe you’re one of them.” His eyes grew wide and he glanced over at me, “what did you say?” “You’re an angel in disguise Detective, no human being could ever hope to be as kind as you.” We drove in silence for a while. It was quite uncomfortable to tell the truth. “Do you really think that of me?” I smiled, “of course I do,” I replied, “you have a good soul Carter.” “You have a good soul too,” he added quickly, “.. No, I don’t. Trust me.” He took a deep breath, “Ricky, whatever you’ve done in the past, it’s behind you. You’re a good man, I can see it in you. Please, never put yourself down because you are wonderful. Well, you’re wonderful to me at least.” We drove on for a little while longer in silence. However, it was comfortable this time around, and it lasted a great deal of the ride there.

At around 8:20, we pulled up to a quaint little house on a very quiet suburban street. Tinsley turned the car off, “mi casa” he giggled and glanced over at me, “Dios mío, ¿sabes español?” His sweet eyes grew wide, “Okay, I don’t know Spanish well enough to know what you just said.” He gave me a sheepish look which extenuated his large brown eyes. I laughed a lot harder than I should’ve. The innocent look on his face at that statement just cracked me up. “I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh,” I said, calming my giggles, “but your face looked so adorable when you said that.” His face lit up a bright pink and he opened the car door, “Sh-shut up Ricky.” 

His home was absolutely stunning. It was cozy and warm, despite the somewhat chilly weather. I placed my bag next to the door and glanced around. The place was a decent size, it had a living room, bathroom, and two bedrooms. He pointed to a door opposite of the living room, “that ones my room, yours is right across from mine.” A sly smirk appeared on my face, “awe you can’t be more than ten feet from me, can you?” He pushed me forward and I stumbled slightly, “hush up, won’t you.” Carter undid his tie and tossed it on the couch, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get changed.” I nodded and headed towards my own room. Quiet as a mouse, I slipped inside and began to undress. 

However, when I unbuttoned my shirt, I paused to examine myself. There were several scars and bruises covering my torso presumably from my fall. I also had a few stitches on my chest and hands, most likely from the glass window. 

The largest scar I had on my body was a particularly jagged laceration between my rib cages. My father had the pleasure to give me such a horrendous gift. To be fair, it wasn't the only one he left me. However, it was the only one that sent me to the hospital. I was ten, and that was the first time I genuinely thought I was about to die. Hell, I hoped to die. After being abused for so long, I got tired. Sad isn't it? 

I exited my room and knocked on Carters across the hall. He hummed, “Hey C.C, some look at this,” I mused as I traced some of my scars. He opened his door and his eyes immediately grew wide. “Look at all of this damage” I chuckled and grazed over the stitches on my chest, “it’s pretty crazy isn’t it?” Suddenly I felt a cold hand press against my abdomen. My eyes centered on Tinsley’s long fingers which were tracing a particularly nasty cut between my rib cages. “Did this happen after the fall?” he asked quietly, “some of them, the one you're looking at is older than the others.” 

He retracted his hand swiftly yet he continued to stare at my bare torso and chest. C.C swallowed visibly and I tilted my head in confusion, “is something wrong?” He quickly shook his head, “n-n-nothings wrong. I’m g-gonna f-finish changing now.” Quick as a whip, he slammed the door shut and left me alone in the hall. “Good night, then!” I called out and returned to my room. It was peculiar, and I thought it was nothing to lose sleep over. 

I know you want to hear more but I think you should rest up. Don’t fret my friend, I’ll still be here when you wake.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake is Eugene Lee Yang
> 
> This chapter is one of my favorites!

Looks like you couldn’t sleep, huh? Damn. Don’t worry about it kid, it happens to the best of us. 

Well the end of the month came rather swiftly to tell the truth. I was all over town getting work done for Mr. Luciano. The day was pretty memorable from start to finish. Quite literally. 

It was around 6:45am when I rose from my slumber. My eyes were heavier than a dim box filled with patrons. However, the lovely scent of coffee filled the air, Tinsley must be up. Lazily, I rolled out of bed and changed out of my night clothes. I slipped on my maroon button up and exited my room. Carter was humming slightly as he brewed coffee in the kitchen. I smiled lightly, “Good morning C.C,” I purred as I entered the room, “Good morning Ri..cky.” He stared at me with wide, almost darkened eyes. At first, I wasn’t sure why he acted in such a way. However, it didn’t take me long to figure it out why. 

I glided over to him and he backed up into the corner of the counter. Heat radiated off him like a flame. I bit my lip and placed both of my hands on the counter behind him. By doing this, our bodies practically touched yet he was stiff as a board. Quiet as a mouse, I locked my fingers around the cup of coffee behind him and took a step back. “Thank you for the coffee sugar, “ I winked and headed towards my room. A loud breath enacted and I glanced over to see Tinsley leaning against the counter, his mouth agape.

“Close your mouth sugar,” I quipped, “you’ll catch flies.” Playfully, I sauntered, into my room and closed the door. “He’s so easy to read,” I chuckled as I leaned up against the door. The coffee was hot, but not scalding, and it was sweetened the exact way I liked it. It was almost like he made it for me. Sadly, that wasn’t the case, he just likes his coffee the same way I do.

After a moment or two he knocked on my door, “R-Ricky,” he stuttered, “may I come in?” I decided to be fair and I buttoned up my shirt, I didn’t want to give him a heart attack before I confessed I carried the torch. “You may,” I replied and set the cup on the dresser. He opened the door gently and slid inside, “Hi.” “Hello C.C,” I chirped warmly, “is everything alright, you look troubled.” 

Carter sighed, “I am troubled Ricky, and I’m not sure why.” He walked over to my bed and sat on the edge. Curious and a little concerned, I walked over and sat next to him, “Carter, what’s the matter?” “I’m not sure,” he hesitated, “it’s like a conflict of interest--well no that’s not accurate, it’s more like a conflict of the heart.” A large wave of fear went through me, but I didn’t let it show, “you can tell me, if you want.” 

He exhaled, “There’s this girl, she’s been my friend for years, and everyone wants us to be together. And if I’m honest, I thought it was a good idea.” Without hesitation, I said, “it’s Jordan isn’t it?” Carter nodded once in response.

I sighed sadly, a large part of me knew that nothing would happen between us. However, I held hope in the clandestine parts of my heart because sometimes, hope is the only thing you have. It’s the rope I clung to as I felt myself fall. Hope is a life line. A liar. The one thing we hate yet it’ll ’s the one thing that keeps us going. 

He stood up and began to pace, “My troubles started recently. I met someone, and they are as intriguing as they are ethereally beautiful. Even though I’m supposed to love this girl, my mind always returns to that person, and I want to be with them,” Tinsley looked dead at me, “even though I know it’s wrong.”

My heart got caught in my throat, as I began to panic. “What do I do” he whined and placed his head in his hands, “my heart is torn and I can’t pick a side!” I stood up, “who says you have to pick a side? This is your life C.C, do what you know is right not politically correct.” He looked up, “but, I should be with her,” he whimpered, “I know you think that, but what does your heart tell you?” His umber eyes pleaded and lamented but no words were spoken. Whoever his heart belonged to, he was meant to be with. 

My world was falling off its axis, disturbing and destroying my climate. The heat was rising and it felt as if the forests of my desires were now ash. My life, my love and my hope felt we’re going through the horror of Revelations. Stones rained down and smashed my heart. As terrified as I was to lose him, my heart yearned for his happiness. I am Horatio and he is my sweet prince. 

“Whoever this person is,” I began, “I believe you deserve them.” He glanced at me with solemn, attentive eyes, as I rubbed my hands together. “Love who you want,” I said, “I’m the last person on earth to judge you.” My eyes began to sting and I felt my body tremble. I grabbed my coat and promptly walked towards the door. “I’ve got class today,” I mumbled “I’ll see you later.”

After an hour or so, I entered King's College for information about my job. Mr. Luciano sent a messenger to Mr. Fitz room to give me the details. His name was Jake Smith. Let me tell you, this man was the biggest homosexual I ever saw. He was very feminine and refined which was a big hint. However, it was a dead give away when he asked to buy me a drink. “Cash or check?” His low yet elegant voice asked. I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know if you noticed but I’m a busy fella. Do you mind?” Jake leaned on the door frame and smiled. Every movement he made had purpose. He had confidence, that much I’ll give him.

“If you’re looking for a goof,” I began in a sultry manner, “then go ask someone else. I’m not a romantic person.” The mobster let out a soft laugh before he took my hand in his. “Listen kitten,” he expressed kindly, “I don’t want the romance. I’m lookin’ for nookie from an attractive big six like yourself. Would you be interested?” I placed my free hand on his cheek, “no strings attached?” He smiled, “none at all.” Jake let go of my hand and adjusted his tie, “Your file is on the desk. See you later kitten.”

He strutted out of the classroom and I faced my teacher curiously. “What an interesting fella,” I commented as I pulled a cigarette from my pocket. My professor laughed, “I am very aware but Jake is my messenger, I can’t change that.” I shook my head, “I don’t dislike it, it’s refreshing if I’m honest.” 

I placed the ciggy between my lips, “What's my job anyway I- uh hey you got a light?” He tossed me a box of matches and opened the file, “an interrogation and a kill order.” I struck the match and lit my cig, “interrogations are fun, but a kill order is copacetic.” Mr. Fitz scoffed, “you haven’t changed much Richard.” Smoke blew into the air as I approached the desk, “same to you. Who am I sent to rough up and bump off?” He scanned through the file again, “the interrogation is meant for a Mr. Whitney Scott, Luciano says he’s a trader.” I scoffed “dumbass,” he flipped the page “your kill order is for Harry Blumberg, a patrol officer.”

I choked, “a police officer!? As my first kill!?! What is this? Christmas?” He laughed, “you are quite the oddity Richard,” a sinister smile crossed my face, “I pride myself on it.” I blew out my last puff and tossed my ciggy, “well I’m heading out, I’ll call ya when I’ve finished.” The professor nodded, “meet Jake at King’s Coffee after you’ve killed that cop, he’ll take you to the interrogation site.”

I stole an old sniper and silencer from my teachers closet and hid it in an old guitar case. The taxi driver was very nice. He got me to the bus station quickly, and I paid him nicely for it. However, the ride from Kings to St Barts Church was nearly two goddamn hours. It was really irritating but it got me there before Harry showed up so I guess it was fine. The sky darkened to a malicious color of deep gray. Thunder roared like the lions; loud, proud and powerful. I entered the church at around noon. If I’m being honest, I was actually pretty nervous. There have been occasions when silencers don’t work, but it was thundering like a bitch so I had some cover. The church was quite beautiful. I’m not completely sure if it’s still standing unfortunately. Say, next time you go to The Big Apple, you mind checking out if it still standing? 

Anyway, it truly was a beautiful place. No matter how much I hate religion, I can’t deny artistry. It was almost saddening to know that someone would be killed from this rooftop. Staining art with blood is in poor taste. Especially when the art had good intentions.

I greeted the father with as much kindness as I could muster. He actually seemed pretty darb, but you are well aware of my bias. After a minute of mindless chatter with the father, I snuck upstairs and out on the second story patio. Swift as a knife, I whipped out the sniper and set it against the cement wall. It was around 12:30 pm when old Harry bounded around the corner.

Silent as wind, and smoother than steel, I raised my gun. I waited as my prey crawled closer. Thunder clapped as I pull the trigger. The storm masked the sound. His car wobbled before it flipped onto the roof and ignited.

I threw the gun into the case and rushed downstairs. My favorite part of kills like this, is pretending to be the hero. Little ol’ me, a serial killer at large, ran out there and pretended to help him. In reality, I pulled the bullet from the tire I pierced and jumped back when the engine combusted. Officer Blumburg died instantly, and I vanished into the crowd.


	6. Chapter six

I arrived at King’s Coffee at around 1:30 pm. Jake, the bimbo, was waiting outside for me. “Mr. Goldsworth” he purred, “Jake,” I replied “wonderful to see you again.” He winked, “get in the car kitten; we’ll be at the site in about ten minutes.” I huffed, “grand,” I slid into the car with a new sense irritation. Jake sat next to me. The driver pulled away from the curb and we steadily made our way to the interrogation site.

 

We sat in silence for about half the car ride until Jake said “so about my offer..” I glanced over at him, “yes? What about it?” He laughed slightly, “Are you truly okay with havin’ sex? I don’t know if it’s just me but your heart seems preoccupied.” A soft sigh exited my body, “nookie is nookie. Love is love. You don’t have to have one to have another. I’m completely fine with having sex, even if my heart has previous attachments.”

 

The warehouse was small and dingy, perfect for dirty work. I hopped out of the car and strode towards the inky building.  It was dark and dank, with only one filament bulb hanging over head. Directly underneath it, was an unconscious Whitney Scott, tied to a chair. Jake placed his hand on my shoulder “wait here, I’ll wake him up.” This man’s idea of waking him up was slapping him clear across the face. However, I’m not one to judge. I am a murderer after all.

 

“Afternoon Mr. Scott,” I greeted smoothly, “I’ve heard so much about you.” The mobster slipped me a pair of brass knuckles, “you’ve earned yourself quite the reputation among us. I’m impressed,” I slipped on them on quietly, “you’re a traitor!” He struggled against his restraints “you’ve got it all wrong,” he yelled “I’m not a traitor!”

 

“You ratted Luciano out to the police Mr. Scott!” I walked towards him, “I want to know everything you told them.” He spat at me, so rolled my shoulder, which made a loud cracking sound. “Fine,” I growled, my bones from previous injuries crackled, “we’ll do this the hard way.” I punched him clear across the face, “what did you tell the police?” “Nothing!” I punched him again, “I know you talked to them, what did you say?” “I didn’t talk to the police!” he whined and I hit him again, “cut the bull. We have a picture of you there!” I punched him again and again but he still wouldn’t talk. Before I could throw my fourteenth punch, Jake stopped me. “You’ve done your job Ricky,  Allie can take care of it.”

 

Now I’m not one to stop in the middle of something nor I am one that follows orders but it’s the mafia, and I didn’t want trouble. Jake and I exited the building and walked over to the car. Bam! A gunshot echoed out of the warehouse. “Goddamn,” I murmured, “you guys are ruthless.” He scoffed “and you’re not, Mr. Hollywood Hunter?” I froze, how the hell does he know that? “What do you mean?” I asked innocently, “I’m not stupid Mr. Goldsworth.” My chest tightened and I approached him, “you tell anyone, I’ll kill you. Understand?” He nodded and extended his arm, “now let’s have some fun shall we?”

 

He dropped me off at Carters after we had finished. I’m sparing you the details, but let me tell you, he was good in bed. When I got the detectives home, I collapsed on the couch and quickly fell asleep.

 

 _“LET ME GO” I yelled, and struggled against my fathers grip. He threw me to the ground “I told you” he screamed, “you will listen to me when I talk!” My father punched me square in the jaw. “Stop” I begged, “please dad please!” His hands wrapped around my throat, “stop, stop HELP!”_ **“Ricky”** _a disembodied voice called for me, “help!”_ I woke up drenched in sweat and Carter hovering above me.

 

“Ricky” he murmured and brushed the hair out of my eyes, “it’s okay. You’re okay.” I sat up and wiped my brow, “Carter, I had the worst nightmare.” Tinsley slipped his hand under my chin and turned me towards him, “are you okay?” “I believe so,” I murmured and he flashed me a worried smile, “I’m here for you Ricky.” I threw my arms around him, “Thank you Carter.”

 

Just before I let him go, I heard something odd. I placed my head directly on his chest and listened to his heart. The rhythm of his heartbeat was off. “A murmur,” I whispered, “you have a heart murmur.” He let out a soft chuckle, “brilliant deduction Dr. Goldsworth. Yes, I have a heart murmur. It’s nothing fatal. At least not yet anyway.” Tinsley pulled away from me and sat down on the couch. “What happened,” I asked nervously, “I can tell you weren’t born with it. If you were, you wouldn’t have scars. You’d be to careful.”

 

“I was chasing a robber down the street and to put it simply; he shot me.” He explained rather calmly. “The doctors told me I was lucky to be alive,” he added, “but they also told me I wasn’t allowed to be on the force anymore. I was unfortunately discharged and I now work as a private eye.” Initially I was relieved that he wasn’t a cop anymore. Then guilt set in for giving thought to the notion. Carter loved his job and it was ripped from his hands. He had several unfortunate events occur in his life, and that was one of them.

 

He changed the subject before I could give him sympathy. “I made a decision,” he interjected, “about my love life predicament.” A sad smile crossed my face as I nodded for him to continue. “I’m going to be with the person I want to be with. Lord knows I shouldn’t but I can’t resist them.” I chuckled to myself, “that’s mighty brave of you Tinsley. You’re a big six after all.” The detective laughed and pushed me, “hush up!”

 

Now not to sound rude but I am completely unsure of how Tinsley is still goddamn alive. This man can’t cook for the LIFE of him. I had been living with this man for a month now. I had to cook dinner which was a little too domestic for my tastes. At around four he complained about food and I laughed and told him to cook. He was filled with actual fear as he informed me that he almost burned down his house with Jordan once.

“Unbelievable” I quipped as I walked towards the door, “come on Carter, we need to stop by the store.” “Okay I’ll drop you off at the grocery st-” I whipped around and held my hands up “ oh no, we are not going to the gringo store, we’re going to MY store.” Tinsley rushed out the door after me, “your store” he asked as we walked to his car, “yessir!” I hopped into his car casually as he turned the car on, “where is that,” the engine roared, “the colored side of town.”

 

It took us about ten minutes or so to get to the market. As per usual, it was crowded with Latinas and young high school aged boys. C.C clung to my heels as I approached the young girl running the meat stand. I spoke to her in fluent Spanish and she was absolutely elated to hear something in her mother tongue.

Now I was born in the United States, but my mother and father were not. They were straight from Mexico City, young and dumb, and they moved for a better life. I guess they got tired of the same old things. Eliza, my mother's sister, joined them on their journey. You know, I could understand when people said that my family wasn’t American, because they weren’t, but I was. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t show me the same kindness.

 

Suddenly I felt Tinsley nudge me lightly, “what’s the matter,” I quizzed, “nothing I’m just curious as to what your buying.” “Some pork” I confided, “trust me this is gonna be the best food you’ve had in awhile.” He smiled kindly at me, “you don’t have to do that.” I smiled in return, “I know.”

 

Cooking the food took a total of three and a half hours. Carter is somewhat impatient like me, it was precious if I’m being honest. “Ricky” he whined, “please tell me it’s almost ready.” “It’s ready now actually,” I laughed as I set the food on the table, “be thankful that I’m your friend.” He popped up from the couch and clapped me on the back, “I am more than thankful.”

 

I sat down across from him and decided to get to know my lover. “I’m curious ‘bout you,” I wondered, “tell me about your life Carter.” He smiled and took a drink of his moonshine, “Well I was born and raised here in the big apple. My mother was a secretary and my father was cop. When he died, I signed up for the academy, and became a detective.” I swallowed my carnita and glanced up at him, “only child?” He nodded, “yep! It’s just me. What about you Ricky?” “Yes,” I confirmed, “there’s only one Goldsworth runnin’ around.”  There was silence after that, I assumed he wanted me to continue. I told him the story of my life, with a few omissions, of course.

 

“Didn’t have the best childhood but it got much better when I moved to Hollywood. I ran off to my aunts place cause my father didn’t know how to raise a child. When I turned fourteen, I ran off and went to live with my aunt Elizabeth and her lover Gwen. Went to school and managed to get accepted into a white college. Life wasn’t easy and it wasn’t great but after I fled my parents home it was good.”

 

Anyway, after we enjoyed our meal we headed to bed. I went towards the guest bedroom but Tinsley stopped me. “Ricky do you think that the person will love me back?” “Of course,” I replied and nudged him lightly in the shoulder, “don’t sell yourself short Tinman. You’re darb.” He grinned softly and hugged me quick, “thank you.”


	7. Chapter Seven

A month past uneventfully. Well, that’s not completely true, but it was uneventful for me. After much deliberation, Carter finally told Jordan and for me to say ‘it didn’t go the way we thought it should’, would be an understatement. We picked her up from work when Carter told her he couldn’t be with her. She sat in silence for a long time before she burst out in laughter. I was confused as all get out, so I looked at Carter. He was practically in shock. “You thought I was in love with you?” she asked, “Carter I’m Lesbian!” That’s when I started laughing, “well I’ll be damned! Two queers in a car!”

Truth be told, I’m more of the romantic out of the trio. Jordan’s more of a romantic person than an actual romantic person if that makes sense. Surprisingly enough, we had a lot in common, despite our attraction to the same sex. We both loved jazz and strong coffee. We loved autumn and Halloween, and noir books that popped into life. We loved our brothers, our ex’s and honeysuckles on vines. The smell of rain and apple cider being made, Tom Sawyer and Frankenstein with Paradise Lost in a haze, we loved it all. Poe and Dante and Shakespeare, oh honey we had so much in common. God, I wish you could have known her. She would’ve loved you, I just know it. You two are very similar, I really wish you got to know her.

At any rate, I killed two more people for Mr. Luciano. Both were beat cops, and they were made to look accidental. In return, I regularly attended the class for free and an informant gave me police records on domestic abusers. I made it a mission to bump off as many as I could, and in a cruel timely manner.

It was around 1:30 pm when the class ended. As per usual, I hung back in case Mr. Fitz needed to talk to me. However, I was surprised to hear the news he gave me. “Ricky,” he started in an upset tone, “I got bad news for ya.” I closed my eyes and sighed, “what happened now? Did they find Mr. Scott’s body?” He shook his head, “no, no. It’s much more...personal.” I tilted my head, “what do you mean?” The teacher rose from his wooden desk and gimped towards me. “Son, someone is taking credit for your murders. There’s someone pretending to be The Hollywood Hunter.” An eerie silence filled the room. I inhaled sharply and clenched my jaw. It took every ounce of my body and soul from punching a hole in the wall. “Oh really,” I growled as I walked towards the door. “Richard, what are you gonna do?” I felt a vein throb in my neck as I spoke, “I’m gonna show them how the real Hollywood Hunter kills a man.”

I called Jake right after I walked off campus. The most frightening part about it is that I didn’t care who died. I was willing to bump off anyone in order to prove that there was a phony. He gave me an address of an ex-cop and told me Luciano would pay handsomely for his death. I agreed immediately. Two days after I was informed of my copycat, I tailed Officer Marshall Waitts to an old dingy diner. Right when I walked in, I was hit with vile words. “Hey! Can’t you read? No colored people are allowed!” I rolled my eyes and walked further inside. “Oi,” The bartender barked, “are you deaf as well as blind? Beat it, Spick!” I ignored the man completely; I stood and bellowed, “Officer Marshall Waitts? Your daughter Jane is outside. She got beat up by some cracker boy.” Enraged the bartender threw a beer bottle at me, but I quickly dodged. “Don’t you come in here and pushing around my patrons you dog! Now get the hell outta here!” Simply, I shrugged my shoulders and turned to leave. When I walked outside, I heard the voice of Mr. Waitts behind me. “Where’s my daughter?” he asked shrilly. I beckoned him to come close. Swift as fire, I knocked him out cold and tossed him in the car Jake let me borrow. I was gone as quickly as I came.

I pulled up to that old warehouse and was ready to torture and kill. 234 pounds of dead weight is what I dragged into that dingy building. I laid him out on the table and very carefully placed my surgical tools nearby him. Without hesitation, I punched Marshall square in the jaw and he woke up fast. “Nice of you to join me, Officer,” I rasped, “now that you’re awake, shall we begin?” He tried to move but I had already administered a powerful sedative. “Oh my dear sir,” I teased as I carefully picked up my scalpel, “you’re not getting out of this one.” Slowly, I unbuttoned his shirt and began to remove it. “Who do you think you are?” he queried, surprisingly coherent. A low, guttural laugh escaped my lungs. “Why I’m the Hollywood Hunter and you’re gonna be my magnum opus.”

I dug my knife into his chest and swiftly sliced open the epidermis. However, I managed to keep the bleeding to a minimum. I didn’t want him to die right away. He whimpered as I plunged my scalpel deeper into his stomach. The dermis practically melted under my skillful blade. Once again, I stopped as much of the bleeding as I could. Marshall couldn’t die. Not until I said he could.

Slowly, I pulled his large intestine out and began to wrap it around him. Waitts was no longer conscious at this point. It was too bad; he never saw the corset I made from his guts. After I finished, I washed my hands and waited for him to die. To my surprise, he lasted quite a while. However, I got bored so I shot him between the wickets. Two weeks later, The New York Times had a monstrous headline.

_**Hollywood Hunter rips Ex-Cop to shreds! What Investigators are saying about the matter!** _

Satisfaction filled me, every time I saw it. That copycat didn’t stand a chance, I thought. I was wrong. God, I was so wrong.


	8. Chapter Eight

“Ricky,” Jordan called out sweetly, “oh! Evening Madzie, how are you?” She rushed over and hugged me quickly, “look I don’t have time to explain, please just walk with me.” I nodded confused and afraid for my friend, we walked down the street. “My ex-boyfriend is here,” she cringed, “not only was he a cheater, but he was..” She didn’t say anything more as we crossed the street. There was a lot of pain in her eyes. “He beat you, didn’t he,” I asked as we turned onto a new street, “yes he did, and I’m sure he’s beating his wife and kid as well.” 

Red hot anger bubbled in my chest, “what’s his name,” I growled. “Richard don't do anything stupid,” she cautioned. “I won’t, just tell me his name,” I lied. She huffed as we turned into a bar, “Johnson, Randy Johnson. Can we drink now?” I pushed my rage far down and made a mental note of Mr. Johnson. “Of course Jordan,” I agreed “I know the best place to get moonshine”

We drank and talked and drank some more. All and all it was a good evening. However, we left that bar at nine o’clock that night drunker than a sailor on shore leave. We walked around, well more like stumbled around till we got to Central Park which took god knows how long. Jordan began to sing the Skye Boat song, the folk song my aunt used to sing out of nowhere. Giddy and wasted I grabbed her hands and we danced in the grass under the stars. I sang along with her as we did an ossified waltz. 

Suddenly, we fell onto the ground in a fit of laughter which cleared after a moment. It was a cool night, and the grass was damp with midnight dew. “Hey Madzie,” I slurred slightly, “I’ds like to make a wager with ya.” She hummed and laughed “alrighttt Ricky, whatss your wager?” I cleared my throat, “whoever gets married first,” I started, “gets to name your first child.” She clapped her hands loudly, “you’re on Goldsworth!” 

We laughed and laughed until Jordan rolled over to look at me, “Hey Ricky?” I hummed and she rubbed her hands together, “do you think you or I will actually get married?” I sat up quickly, which made my head spin momentarily, “kitten, are you really that stupid?” She stared at me, glassy-eyed, “I know some beautiful dame will find you and she will love you for the rest of her days. That much I can promise.” She smiled, “I have met someone actually.” “See?” I gloated slightly, “what did I tell you?”

Slowly, I laid back down so my head wouldn’t spin as much. Jordan took my hand and we stared up at the stars. “I love Carter so much,” I blurted randomly, “I just wish he loved me too.” The nurse squeezed my hand tighter, “what makes you think he doesn’t?”

You know, I was twenty-four when I met C.C Tinsley. I was young and stupid but I knew he was my soulmate. No matter what society’s expectations were, I loved him. Someone could’ve ripped my heart out of my chest but it would still beat for him. 

There’s a difference between love and adoration. Trust me, I know. I had an old flame before I ran off to New York as a youngster. Her name was Margret, but everyone called her Peggy. You see, I adored this woman, but I never really loved her. She was my childhood best friend and I thought I loved her. Even after we split I thought, “love must feel like this.”

I was wrong. Wrong in the best way possible. When I met Tinsley for the very first time, I started to fall. My god, I was hopelessly in love with him. You’ll feel this type of love someday. I know you love your dame, but you haven’t felt anything like this before. It’s like an arrow piercing you in the heart, but instead of pain or death, it’s love and hope and all those things you’ve felt before. However, you’ve never felt those things amplified the way they are when you look at that person. 

You’ll find that kind of love one day, I know it. If I can find it, you certainly can. Me, a murderer from Hollywood, managed to meet the most darb man in the entire world. I know you’ll find that person, just be patient.

Jordan laid her head down on my chest. She was about to say something when she suddenly stopped. “Fast,” she said, alarmingly sober. The nurse shot up nervously, “Ricky your heart is beating too fast.” A small panic spread through my body but I took a deep breath and thought about it logically. “My heart is probably beating fast from the giggle water, babe,” I concluded, “I’m fine.” 

She hoisted herself into a standing position and extended her hand. “Ricky J. Goldsworth, I work in a goddamn hospital. I know the difference between increased heart rate and an abnormality.” I took her hand and let her pull me up. “Your heart is beating much to fast,” she repeated, “I’m taking you to the hospital.” I nodded, much too afraid for her to be right. 

Truth be told, I wanted to die like one of those gunslingers from back in the day. All or nothing, death before dishonor. I didn’t want to die like any other man. The prospect of my life ending from a heart attack made me nervous. With all my soul, I desperately hoped she was wrong. I didn’t want to die, not yet.

We walked to the nearest phone booth but we were stopped by a familiar face. “Richard James Goldsworth,” the man growled, “what in Sam hell are you doin’ back here?” I rolled my eyes and placed my hands firmly in my coat pockets. The man who stopped us was none other than Mr. Benjamin Mcclintock. People called him Banjo after he was discharged from the police force. The reason behind that is most interesting. I’ll explain that later. Anyway, he asked me if I had been drinking giggle water, and I told him to take an educated guess. 

Back then, he despised my ass. We got along after he got discharged, but lord I remember those days. He arrested me because an ossified Lee Fei made out with me at the fraternity home. When I was in a cell, I said mighty inappropriate things about his demeanor; his looks as well. Mr. McClintock looked exactly like my darling Tinsley. That little detail is very important, you’d do well to remember it. 

“Richard,” he groaned, “I’m arresting you for the consumption of moonshine.” He stalked over to me, handcuffs already produced. However, my hide was momentarily saved by the lovely Ms. Scott. “Ben! You can’t,” she cried as she stepped in front of me, “his heart could give out if he’s put under too much stress!” The Detective scoffed and politely moved her out of the way, “sorry Jordan, but it’s my job.” I chuckled, “it’s alright Madzie! Just call Carter, and this will be cleared up.” 

Sure enough, I was thrown in a cell. However, there was a nice colored lady named Mary there with me. She cowered in the corner as McClintock tossed me in there by the collar. Jordan rushed off to call Tinsley while the diffident Mary and I were left alone with another white cop. I ambled over to her as I gave her a friendly greeting. She shied away fearfully so I kept my distance out of respect. 

“Hey babe,” I hesitated, “I ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’m a man of color too.” Mary looked up, the moonlight hit her face an revealed a black eye and busted lip. “Who did that to you,” I inquired softly, “was it, someone, you knew?” The woman managed to answer with a soft, tormented ‘no.’ Slowly, I knelt down in front of her, “was it one of the bulls?” She nodded and I placed my hand on her knee, “don’t worry babe, I’ll protect you.” Suddenly, the guard beat on the bars and scared that poor woman senseless. 

“You got no right to be treating that poor woman like that!” I stood up and approached the cell door, and asked: “who made you so high and mighty?” He pushed my back with his baton, “The good lord that’s who!” My eyes rolled melodramatically before he said: “you seem like a smart man, don’t be trusting them jiggaboos.” I turned my back to him, “cracker,” I spat like tobacco. 

The door swung open and the officer stalked over to me before he threw a hefty punch. He hit me again, and again, while I remained pinned to the ground. Mary’s terrified voice screamed, “N-n-no! Leave him alone y-you hear!” I watched him throw his baton at the young lady and she whimpered loudly. Before he could throw another punch, I slipped out from underneath him and kicked him in the jaw. My chest felt stiff and, I was scared out of my mind. The officer grabbed me by the shirt when I suddenly felt weak. My arms aches and chest felt constricted. 

Before I knew what was happening, I was on the floor, the cop once again on top of me. The world spun and I couldn’t breathe. I heard the voice my love call out my name. Then, everything faded to black. When I came too, I was in that damned hospital again along with a few loved ones. Jordan was fast asleep in a chair while Tinsley slept peacefully on my legs. Mary was there as well. She tapped her foot nervously until she noticed I was awake. I placed my finger against my lips and signaled her to come over. She did and I took her hand, “how are you doing babe? How’s your eye and lip?” 

Mary’s brow furrowed, “me?” she asked, “You’re the one who died mister.” Incredulously, I stared deep into her eyes, “I died?” She nodded and I asked, “for how long?” The woman cleared her throat, “almost five minutes sir.” I repeated ‘five minutes’ under my breath in disbelief. Things like that never happened; Christ it was almost impossible. However, I had to remember the word ‘almost.’ I got lucky, very, very, lucky.

A low laugh escaped my lungs before I answered, “it’s not my first date with death and it certainly won’t be the last babe. Now tell me how you’re doing.” She sighed and squeezed my hand, “I’m alright mister. Thank you.” I nodded as I sat up and stroked Tinsleys brunette hair. “You know,” I began, “this sleeping beauty right here is a bull. I love him though, I really do.”

Tinsley stirred and his large chocolate eyes fluttered open. “Hey there tinman,” I purred, “lovely to see you.” He shot up, “Ricky!” he cried out, “Ricky baby! You’re alright!” The detective hugged me tightly and whispered, “I was worried sick. I’m so glad you're alive.” I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, “I love you,” I murmured thoughtlessly. He froze and slowly pulled back, wide-eyed. “What did you say?” He asked, voice flat and stunned. “I love you,” I repeated calmly, “I’ve been meaning to say it but I didn’t know how to do it. You’re in love with someone else anyw-”

I was cut off with a rough, loving kiss. It surprised me at first but I soon fell deep into the affection he gave. The detective locked his fingers around my neck as I slipped mine through his golden brown locks. We pulled away for a moment to breathe but we ended up laughing instead. It was a soft, completely breathless chortle that filled the sick room with light. “The person I was referring to,” he explained breathlessly, “was you, Ricky. I love you.” I kissed his forehead, “I love you too.” Mary watched nervously from a distance, a look of uncertainty in her eyes. I meant to ask her what was wrong, but I never got to it. You can imagine the mirth I felt at that moment. It was the only thing I could think about for the next few weeks.

I loved him. I really did and I hope that you see that as I tell you this. He meant everything to me. He still does, even now. I miss him, terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is genuinely one of my favorite chapters so far! Also, Benjamin/ Bango will be a reoccurring character by a certain point.


	9. Chapter Nine

Two weeks past before I left the hospital. Pestilence took over me and I laid there in rough sheets as doctors whispered fears and occasionally hopes that I would not make it. Carter came by to see me every evening though. He would plant the most loving kisses on my hands and murmur the sweetest prayers. 

“Carter,” I asked, interrupting our previous conversation, “what’s your full name?” He smiled thoughtfully, “Charles Carter Tinsley. It’s a mouthful to say so I shortened it to C.C.” A lazy grin curled up on my lips, “Richard James Goldsworth. My mother always called me Ricky and I guess it just stuck.” He took my hand, “what was your mothers name? Gwen? Elizabeth?” I shook my head and laughed slightly, “no, no, those were my aunts. My mothers name was Lucy.” C.C looked at me, confused, “was?” he asked. I smiled softly, “I don’t know if she’s still alive. I don’t know if she lived after I left home.” 

He didn’t press the subject any further. My love could tell there was a deep trauma and he decided not to ask. Now, I wouldn’t lie, at least, not to him. I harbored the deepest affections for the shy investigator. There wasn’t one spec of information that I lied to him about. Don’t get me wrong, there were things I didn’t tell him. However, he never specifically asked me to tell him the stories of my scars. Whether they were emotional or physical, we never talked about it. Until later anyway.

When I eventually left the hell hole that is the New York hospital, I ran into someone you may know. He couldn’t of been more than than fifteen at the time. I bumped shoulders with him and I quickly apologized but he stood stock still. “I’ve been looking forward to beating gums with you Mr. Goldsworth,” he smiled with malicious intent hidden deep within. I knew, because I have flashed the same murderous smile. Curious of his actions, I agreed to speak to him; privately of course. 

“May I ask your name?” I inquired to test the waters. I needed to know if I had to tread or simply swim. He nodded, “Jesse Fear,” he said with a lack of any emotion, “and I want to make a deal.” I furrowed my brow, “what kind of deal?” I quizzed, “what are you planning?” The man replied with a soulless laugh, “I want to take your place as Hollywood Hunter, sir.” I gasped and choked for a brief moment, “what makes you think I’m the Hollywood Hunter?” Jesse chuckled, “a little birdie told me,” he admitted, “well I plucked a few feathers to get the answer I needed.” 

I was filled with anger and a slight amount of fear. “What did you do?” I growled, “who did you hurt?” He smirked evilly, “I might of taken someone for a ride,” he passed me a piece of paper, “check it out if you don’t believe me.” No time was wasted when I received this morbid information. I immediately hailed a dimbox and paid extra for a speedy service. 

When I arrived at the address, I was stunned to see where I was. It was the same warehouse I had used for mafia business. Truth be told, I didn’t know how to feel. I should’ve been fearful of the fate that awaited me, but I wasn’t. I sprinted into the warehouse and slammed the door open to see something truly horrific. It was Jake: he laid there in a pool of his own blood. Initially, I was relieved. Deep down, I thought I was going to find my lover slaughtered like an animal. The horror set in after a frozen moment. 

I rushed to my companion, “Jake!” I called out, “can you hear me?” He groaned in response and hacked up trace amounts of blood. Hastily, I picked up the taller man and slung him over my shoulder. The taxi I had used was still out front and I begged him to take me to someplace where I could help him. 

That place ended up being Jordan’s apartment. I had a key to her place since I watched her cat when she worked late shifts. I set my moribund companion in the bathtub so that the mess would be minimal. “Christ,” I hissed as I pulled out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the cabinet under the sink, “I can’t believe I let this happen.” “You ‘idn’t kno,” Jake slurred from the porcelain tub and I shook my head, “don’t waste your energy by talking. I’ll fix you up.” I sped past Jordans lazy feline and grabbed a roll of fishing wire and a needle. 

Now let me tell you, I have stitched myself, many upon many of times using fishing wire. It hurts like a son of a bitch but it gets the job done. Before I knew it, I was on my knees, trench coat thrown off and sleeves rolled up. I wasted no time as I stripped him of his button down and checked for an exit wound. Luckly, there was one. Even more so, it didn’t puncture any organs. 

I grabbed a towel and the bottle of peroxide, “I’m sorry Jake, but this is gonna sting like hell.” He nodded and I applied the soaked rag to his entrance wound. The mobster hissed and I steadied my hands. I poured the same substance on my hands and ran the wire through the small opening in the needle. “Alright my friend,” I grimaced, “I’m going to be completely honest. You might pass out from the pain and blood loss. I need you to know what’s at stake. If I don’t do this, you will die. Do I have your consent?” He grunted and looked at me, “shit you can have my livelihood if this works.” I scoffed, “god I’m gonna be on the lam again.” Gradually, I made my way down the gunshot wound with my makeshift thread. Jake had already fainted by the time I had closed the entry wound. I finished the exit wound as fast and as careful as I could. I remember that I checked his pulse before I fell asleep: forearms and hands soaked in mobster blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I declare that the antagonist has been introduced.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Margaret (Peggy) is Marielle btw

“Hey there Ricky,” a soft sweet voice called out, “this isn’t how I expected to see you again.” I opened my eyes to see my old flame Peggy hover above me. Her lips ruby red, her eyes cat like and her sundress a soft yellow. “Peg?” I asked, quite puzzled, “what are you doing here?” The woman let out a soft giggle, “this is my lovers apartment. What are you doing here?” I hummed, “so you’re the one Jordan was talking about,” I smiled at her, “well I’m happy for ya.” Peggy stood up straight, “who’s he?” she inquired as she referred to the unconscious man in the tub. “A friend,” I answered simply and she rolled her eyes, “giving me vague answers as always Ricky.” I rose from my uncomfortable resting place and stumbled into the living room. I rang up my professor and told him the dire situation with Jake and my previous meeting with Jesse Fear. “Listen to me carefully,” I cautioned, “this kid is dangerous. You should’ve seen the number he did on Jake. Tell Luciano as soon as you hang up, alright? I’m warning you, this boy is bad news.” Fitz agreed to tell Charles and hung up. I leaned against the wall, absolutely mortified. 

“Ricky?” Peggy wondered, “are you alright?” I shook my head, “I thought that the kid I ran into wasn’t going to be a problem. I was all wet Peg. Now he’s after my job and I’m afraid my lover.” She sighed, “he wants to be the Hunter, doesn’t he?” I nodded once in response. 

My old flame knew I was the Hollywood Hunter. In fact, she praised me for it. She once said ‘if the bulls aren’t going to help us, then we need someone that will.’ Margret was smart, brave and confident. If I could confide my ruinous past to anyone, it would be her. “He’s balled up hun,” I admitted, “I willing to give it up to protect the ones I love. I can’t afford to be stubborn now.” My friend rushed over to me, “You can’t give it up! Do you know what will happen if you do?” I shook my head, and she clasped her hands together, “exactly! He could completely change what the Hollywood Hunter stands for! There are actual men and women who rely on the swift justice of the Hunter's blade. You can’t give it up.” 

As soon as she staked her claim, Ms. Jordan walked in. Initially she jumped in fright but soon relaxed when she saw us. Then she grew quite apprehensive. “Uh Ricky?” She cautioned, “why are you covered in blood?” I glanced around the room as if someone else would hear, “my friend got shot and we had nowhere to go.” Incredulously, she threw off her jacket and marched towards me, “you could’ve gone to the hospital Richard!” I knew she was mad as hell when she used my real name. “Actually,” I interjected, “I can’t, he’s a criminal.” The nurse did a double take, “he’s a WHAT?” Suddenly, Peggy let out a hearty laugh, “Criminal? What is he? A mobster?” I nodded, “yes actually,” I admitted and my friend became hysterical with laughter while her lover stood there confused. 

After a brief explanation to Jordan, she rushed into the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of bleach. “Give me your shirt,” she demanded and I removed and handed it over. She disappeared into the bathroom and returned with another blood soaked jacket and shirt. “I’ll clean these.” She rushed over to the phone and rang up someone. I didn’t pay attention to who though. All my focused was poured into my moral dilemma. After Jordan hung up, she disappeared and left Peggy and I alone. 

“Margaret,” I murmured, “what do I do?” She walked over and hugged me, “if I knew what the right answer was, I’d give it to you.” We separated and she smiled at me, “I say you fight for the title that YOU earned, it belongs to you. Don’t let some kid take it.” I ran my fingers through my messy hair, “this kid could be the death of me.” “Don’t let him be,” she said simply as she sat down on the sofa. A sudden bout of anxiety slammed me in the chest, and my stomach dropped. “How Peg?” I argued, “What the hell am I supposed to do!? You saw what he did to Jake! What makes you think he won’t do the same to Carter!?” Before I knew it, I dropped onto my knees and sobbed. I’m not a crier, I’m not a baby but this stressed me beyond comparison. Suddenly I felt a small hand on the small of my back. “So,” Peggy uttered sweetly “his name is Carter, huh?” I nodded, still in tears. She smiled softly as she placed her free hand on mine. “Tell me about him,” she said, “ I haven’t seen you in so long. We should catch up.” 

I told her how I met my darling Detective. I always relaxed when I talked about him, and I got very giddy talking about how much I loved him. Peggy was very interested in our life together, what we did, how we lived and how we came to be. She loved her fair share of gossip, I can tell you that much. If you shared a cup with her, she’d take the pot instead. After a little while I managed to convince her to tell me everything about her and Jordan.

“Well,” she began, “I met her at the hospital. My old friend, Randy, accidentally cut me with a shard of glass after he dropped a bottle of whiskey. She walked into my room and I felt my face flush scarlet. I’m telling you James, she was absolutely stunning when I first saw her. Her little nurse outfit looked absolutely darb on that pale skin of hers. You can only imagine my surprise when she slipped her house phone number in my purse. We met up the next day and it was smooth sailing from then. I remember she came home, tired and hungover one time. I asked her, ‘baby girl, why are you home so late?’ She said that her friend Ricky got hurt. I knew it was you, but I’d never thought we’d meet again in these circumstances.”

An hour passed and Jordan hadn’t returned from the washroom. Peggy and I moved Jake into Jordan’s bedroom and chatted about old times an such. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. We looked at each other, utterly confused as to who stood at the doorstep. After a brief moment, a drop of bravery filled the room. Peggy rose from her seat and strode towards the door. She cracked it slightly, “can I help you sir?” she asked calmly. “Uh Jordan sent for me,” a sweet, familiar voice stated. “Carter!” I called out, filled to the brim with mirth. Every time I saw him, it felt electric. 

Peggy let him in and he hurried over and planted a deep kiss on my scarred lips. I reached up and wrapped my fingers in his brunette hair. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and explore in a way I have never known. When we separated, he looked deep into my eyes and simpered. “Hey baby,” he breathed, “I missed you. Did you miss me?” I returned the warm look he gave and said “ab-so-lute-ly.” I osculated him one more time before Margaret murmured, “boys, boys, you’re gonna make me grungy.” Right when I pulled away, Jordan walked in with my shirt, bright white and clean. “Here you go hun,” she said and waved at my lover kindly. She then made a beeline to Peggy and kissed her passionately. Carter chuckled, and he took my hand, “let’s go home sweetheart.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is a warning for y'all readers. This chapter deals with really heavy topics, and could possibly trigger some of you. It discusses child abuse, racism and contains allusions to rape. Read at your own discretion, thank you.

A year had passed before I saw the young psycho known as Jesse Fear. Carter and I lived together for quite some time at this point. We were happy as June bugs on a summer night. King's college had begun it’s classed again after a long break during the spring. It was nice to live a normal life or what appeared to be one. There were times where I would sneak out at twilight to commit some ghastly crime against some real pills. Wife beaters and suppremessists and all that jazz, you know? Trust me, nothing felt better than to bump off some devilish folk. My lover, of course, had no idea what I did at night. However, Peggy did. She had bad insomnia so she was always up late into the night. On occasion, I’d walk up those rickety old stairs to their small apartment. Peggy would clean my clothes and we’d talk about what I had done. She was a morbid old bird, I’ll tell you that much.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering when I saw Mr. Fear. It was after I received an interesting phone call from Tinsley. He called Mr. Fitz’s class a few moments after the bell rang. “Hey baby,” he said, “Jordan, Peggy and I need to talk to you. It’s important.” Confused and a little worried, I hopped into the first cab I saw and went home. When I arrived, the two women proposed the oddest thing. 

“We want a baby,” Peggy explained, “and we need someone to do that.” I cocked an eyebrow and looked over at Carter. He glanced down at me with the sweetest smile, “do you want kids, love?” I sat and thought about it for a long time. If I said no, it wouldn’t be the truth; I desperately wanted kids. However, I feared for the life that I would bring that poor baby into. Although, if I stopped killing, they would be safe. If you’re wondering what my answer was; it was yes. 

Carter hugged me tightly and kissed my neck, “I love you.” He walked over to Jordan, took her hand. “Oh,” I murmured, then exclaimed, “oh y’all are doing this now??” They nodded in perfect unison and I shot an incredulous look at Peggy. She got up from her seat and walked into the kitchen, still visible to me, but not her lover and mine. Carter looked at me and then back to Jordan then disappeared into a bedroom. I looked at Peggy and smiled, “I’m not comfortable enough to stay,” I explained, “I’ll be back in a little bit.” Margret gave me a friendly wave goodbye as I walked out and down the road. If I was going to live with the fact that Carter had slept with a woman, I needed moonshine. I know this whole situation seems odd to you, and trust me it was quite an interesting experience for me personally. However, I would do anything C.C asked of me, the same goes with Jordan. If they were going to do this, I would be supportive. As I made my way to the downtown area, I saw him. The little bastard stood at the street corner as if he were waiting for me. 

“Well now,” he mocked, “look at the little spic acting like he’s a big shot.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and continued to walk. He chuckled sarcastically, “aw you’re ignoring me now?” My jaw clenched but I walked by him and didn’t even glance in his general direction. “You’re just gonna ignore me after what I did to your friend last year?” This time, I stopped cold in my tracks, but I didn’t look back. “This is your last chance Goldsworth,” he taunted, “either you give up your title or I kill someone you really care about.”

I scoffed and turned around with a deceptive smirk on my face. “Like who?” I asked. “Like that sweet little detective of yours,” he replied. The boy laughed, “too bad you don’t know a thing about him. He’s lied to you, fella. Just ask Mcclintock.” I shook my head in exasperation, “I wouldn’t trust Mcclintock with my life.” Calmly I stared into his dark eyes and said, “take the title if you’d like. I’m not about that life anymore.” He nodded and flashed me a soulless smirk, “pleasure doing business with ya.” When I think about it now, I think letting the pill get to me is my biggest regret. Jesse Fear did the one thing that I will never forgive. He put Carter through terrible sorrow. My love wandered the earth, woebegone and drenched in grief. I will never forgive that fucking piker for it. Never.

That was it; my life as the Hollywood Hunter gone, just like that. Not that I cared anymore. The only thing that matter to me was Carter, my friends and the mafia men that I worked so closely with. However, the little son of a bitch got me to actually doubt Carter integrity. My mind raced with several fears and doubts. It didn’t help when I ran into Detective McClintock. He saw me, but he acted like he didn’t. “Detective,” I said, “Why do you hate me?” Ben stopped and stared at me for a long moment. I averted his gaze, somehow I thought it would make his answer worse. However, his answer wasn’t what I was expecting. “I don’t hate you Mr. Goldsworth,” he admitted, “I never have.” I recoiled and shook my head, “you sure about that?” I asked genuinely, “cause you sure seem too.” He huffed out a sigh and came closer, “look, just cause I’ve thrown you in the slammer doesn’t mean I hate you. It’s just my job, it's nothing personal.” McClintock pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Look Goldsworth,” he said as he pulled out a matchbook, “My brother, he’s a good guy. Too much of one if I’m completely honest. He’s a poor little bunny, always lost in the haze, you know? But since he’s been insured to you-``''I am not insured to Carter,” I cut him off heatedly, “I didn’t even know you were his brother until today! And I’ve been with him for nearly two years!” Ben looked absolutely stunned, “y-you,” he started, “you didn’t know?” I shook my head as he lit my ciggy, “I didn’t even hear it from him.” The detective took out a cloud of smoke for himself and asked me, “who’d ya hear it from?” I blew out a ring of gray smoke and looked at him, “some ofay boy,” I gibed, “no offense, sir.” “None taken,” he replied, now more curious, “what’s his name? Maybe I could check him out.” I glanced over at him, “Jesse Fear,” I grunted, “he’s this little queer bastard with-” “With a mouth on him,” he finished as hit lit his cig, “yeah I know the little palooka.” Benjamin looked at me with genuine worry, “you stay away from the son of a bitch you hear? It’s smart to protect you and your wife.” 

I didn’t return to Jordan’s house. Instead, I went home, to wait for Tinsley. When he arrived, however, he could feel the chill I excreted from my body. “Baby?” he murmured sweetly, “is everything alright?” No time was wasted, you know I’m not the type to dance around the situation. “What are you hiding from me?” I asked as I held back tears, “if it’s something from your past, I want to know. I tell you everything about mine if show me the same kindness.” He sighed and leaned against the wall. The detective pulled out a cigarette and a matchbook before he spoke.

“Tinsley isn’t my real name. Now C.C is but, Tinsley is not. It was McClintock. Yes, as in Benjamin McClintock; we’re brothers, Twins in fact. We lived in Chicago till we were fourteen when I watched our father die. Someone shot him in front of me. I couldn’t take the sadness, the fear anymore, so I ran off; my brother came with. A nice lady named Meredith Tinsley took us in and raised us till we joined the police force. However, my brother went home and I changed my last name to hers. Ricky, I just want you to know that everything I’ve said to you before this is the truth. I know I lied about my past, but I was truthful about everything else. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, please don’t think less of me.” 

I laughed and then in mid laughter began to cry. It wasn’t tears of poignancy nor frustration but pure joy. In the depths of my heart, I thought he lied about everything. His past, his life, his work, and most importantly, his love for me. The relief that washed over me was immense. Carter rushed over to me, anxious and concerned. “Honey?” He inquired, “are you alright? Why are you crying?” A weak smile crossed my face as tears continued to stream down my cheeks. “It’s nothing dear,” I managed to choke out, “I’m just happy.” He threw his arms around me and squeezed me tight.

I took a deep breath and sighed heavily. “Carter,” I murmured, “it’s time for me to tell you the whole truth now. My entire past, in its full picture.” He nodded and hugged me a little tighter, “take your time.”

“I was born and raised in Los Angeles. It was a quaint little suburban area for the colored people. When I was in my youth, I thought it was the most darb place I ever saw. I hate it now that I’m older. My mother’s name was Lucy Oro, and I thought she was the most beautiful woman as a child. She had golden skin and naturally blonde hair with rich chocolate eyes. She met my father, Carlos Goldsworth when she was sixteen years old. She always said to me when I was little, ‘‘your father wasn’t always like this. He was a good man in his youth.’’ I never believed her though. They got married at the age of eighteen and ran off to America for better pay as many others did.

“Racism is the first thing they encountered. They were treated poorly, practically subhuman. Latinos were burned, shot, hung and ostracized from Anglo communities. However, they didn’t care. For them, it was enough to have a roof over their head, food on the table and a job to go to in the morning. Then they had me and that's when everything changed. My father began to drink heavily, more than any sailor could stomach. Meanwhile, my mother started exhibiting odd behavior, which turned out to be schizophrenia. When I turned eight is when life began to hurt. Quite literally, I’m afraid.

“My father used to beat me senseless. He’d punch me, kick me, throw me, choke me, and a plethora of other horrible things. I was ten years old when I thought I was going to die. My father came home one desolate night, ossified and enraged at something I had not done. He knocked me around some and threw me onto the floor. “Papa!” I managed to yell, “¿por qué estás Haciendo esto? Papá?” I glanced up to see that he had something shiny in his hand. Before I processed what it was, he plunged it into my torso and drug it across. I screamed bloody murder and eventually blacked out. The rest was a blur. I was in and out of consciousness for at least an hour. When I met the doctor that saved my life, I knew that I had to do the same. That’s why I’m in medical school.

“When I was fourteen, I had seen enough. My father beat my mother to near death. While he was temporarily imprisoned and my mother was hospitalized, I got my things and ran. I didn’t know where to go, so I went to the church my family went to. It was a dingy Catholic Church meant for Latinos only. The father's name was Luis Garcia, and he ruined my life.

“I went to that church and prayed for some kind of help, some kind of sign to point me in the right direction. The pastor came up to me, held my hand, and whispered very disturbing things. Before I knew it, I was pinned down on a pew, disoriented and scared. He placed his hands on every inch of my body. I fainted soon after. When I woke up, my clothes were in rags, completely destroyed. I felt violated and I didn’t know why. At least, until I looked around. There was blood and bodily fluids everywhere. My hands shook as the full realization of what happened hit me. I put on spare clothes, and I left. 

“I found my aunt Elizabeth Oro after I had left that wretched place. She shopped peacefully at the local market. When she saw me, she knew something was wrong. Eliza held me close and brought me to her home in Hollywood. She introduced me to her lover Gwen and the neighbor girl, Peggy. They never asked what happened, and I was grateful for it. After a month or so, that fear and disgust became anger and hatred. 

“I snuck out one night, with nothing but a matchbook, a can of gasoline and a knife. The oak doors creaked as I pushed them open. The priest was there at the altar, as he said his nightly prayer. Quietly, I set down the gasoline and I approached him, the knife tightly gripped in my hand. I went up behind him and slit his throat. His warm blood splattered onto my face and clothes. Then, I took that canister of gasoline and dumped it wherever I could. I took out a match and I let that motherfucker burn. 

“It was awful, the thing I did, but I couldn’t stand it. No one would’ve believed me. The church had to much power and it’s not like white cops would believe a little Latino boy. You understand why I did what I did, don’t you? Please tell me you do.”

He was silent for so long. It choked the life out of the room. Finally, he spoke, “of course I understand. I’m so sorry that happened to your baby.” Carter cried in utter silence. The guilt spilled out like a waterfall. I held him and he held me, and we sat there emotionally wrecked. Both of us fell asleep on the couch. 

When the morning hit, both of us felt as if our bond was stronger. There was nothing to hide anymore, nothing to be afraid of. It was a deep sense of relief that filled both of us. I cooked as per usual, and he made tea and we carried on as always. We were happier after that night. Closer, too. Sure, it was rough and difficult but it was something we needed to talk about. Things were better after that day between us. We were practically perfect in every way.

Carter wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. “I love you, baby,” he whispered in my ear. The sweetness in his voice made me melt like ice in the hot sun. “I love you too.” A small laugh escaped me as I continued to cook. “Hey, baby?” I asked, “how about we go on a date? We could go out of town somewhere.” He buried his head into the nape of my neck, and I simpered, “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

My love disappeared into his room as I continued to cook breakfast. He returned dressed in a nice button down with a chocolate vest. “You clean up nicely,” I complimented, “I almost didn’t recognize you.” He laughed and sat down at the table, “c’ mon now! I don’t look bad all the time.” I set down a plate in front of him as I giggled. “I never said you looked bad. You usually look like a bimbo but now, you look like a gentleman.” 

We got in his beautiful Chrysler B-70 and set out on the road. The radio played soft jazzy melodies as we drove across the city. New York just started to grow. Not just in size or stature, but in morale and money. Everyone had money. Even some colored folk had a decent income. Everyone partied and got ossified on a nightly basis. Sure, alcohol was illegal then, but you learned to love the taste of moonshine. The Twenties were truly a time to be alive. That’s why it was called the Roaring Twenties. Sure, we were segregated, but aren’t y’all still? People have a desperate need to be to around their own kind. Even in your time, you have predominantly negro neighborhoods, Latino neighborhoods, white neighborhoods, Muslim neighborhoods, yet y’all don’t have to live like that. Even when King fought for our rights and they were duly received, they still didn’t mix. At least not very much. 

You know, for back then, Tinsley and Jordan were quite the oddities. Not many men and women were as open-minded as them. Hell, they weren’t open-minded at all. Despite the fact that we were in the northern parts of the United States, racism ran rampant. I was lucky though. I could’ve been one of those poor Latinos that became macabre wind chimes that blew in the southern wind. No matter who I met, no matter how nice they were to their own race, I was constantly scorned by white men. That was until I met Tinsley. He was so kind, so selfless, so willing to protect a wretch like me. His mirth knew no bounds, I never met, and still haven’t met, a man better than Carter. Even then, as I sat next to him in that bright white Chrysler B-70, I knew he was the best man I ever met and will ever meet. I knew it, and I wouldn't forget it, I couldn't forget it. Every time I looked into his big, gray eyes and think, “goddamn, I’m a lucky man.” I wish you could have met him. He would've loved you, but then again, he loved everyone. Carter was such a people person. I enjoyed people to a certain degree. I got sick of people very quickly. The only people that didn't drain my energy was Carter, Jordan, and Peggy. Jake was alright, I suppose. We didn't talk much before his gruesome injury due to Mr. Fear, but we grew closer afterward. 

“Hey baby,” I said nonchalantly as I looked out the window. I received no response. “Carter,” I called out, but I once again got silence. “Charles!” I barked and he jumped at least ten feet in the air. The poor detective hit his head on the roof of the car and I chuckled slightly. “Jesus H Roosevelt Christ Ricky!” he exclaimed, “you gave me a heart attack!” I simpered and placed my hand on his leg. “ ‘M sorry baby,” I simpered, “it was not my intention to frighten you.” He scoffed, “Oh I know you don’t mean that. I know you like the back of my hand Golden Boy. Every time you start talking like your some kind of writer, I know you’re being sarcastic.” I started to laugh harder than ever by then. Carter always noticed the little details. He never ceased to amaze me. In the midst of my giggles, I heard C.C go, “see? You’re laughing because I’m right!” I placed my hand on his thigh as I giggled, “I love you Tinman.” “I love you too, Golden Boy.” 

Now I want to tell you this before you ask the damn question. No, this story doesn’t end in a good fashion for anyone. I know I keep telling you about the wonders of our relationship and the things I have done as if I led a great, long, fulfilling life, but I didn’t. Lord knows I wish I did. Everything revolved around Tinsley. My choices, my life and sadly even my death all revolved around him. Yet, no matter what I went through, I wouldn’t change a thing. I loved the stupid bastard, and I still do. My heart undoubtedly belongs to him. He was my husband after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I deeply appreciate that y'all are reading this story and getting involved in the tale I weaved. I'm trying to build up to the ending I have yet to write, an ending I know all of you will feel the emotion of. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for reading and enjoying what I do.
> 
> -Yours, Meredith (tinsworthisunderrated)


	12. Chapter Twelve

“Carter,” I called out from the kitchen as I finished dinner, “Carter, dinners ready.” I was greeted with no response. Mildly irritated, I walked through the living room towards Carters door. Right before I knocked, he opened the door a crack, “hey honey,” he whispered, “promise me you won’t lose your marbles.” I cocked an eyebrow, “about what?” He opened his door to it full extent to reveal a small, golden mass on the floor. “The hell?” I murmured as I stepped into the room. That’s when I noticed the small mass had ears, a tale and almond eyes. I knelt down next to the small creature and smiled, “it’s a cat.” Upon hearing its description, the small feline stood and stretched his short arms, it’s claws dug into the carpet. “Well hi there little fella,” I cooed, “swell of you to join us.” I felt Tinsley scoot up behind me and place his hands on my shoulders. “Can we keep him?” Tinsley asked in a childlike manner. I never knew how a man, who was older than myself, could have the innocent disposition of a child. “Of course,” I answer, “if you wanted a cat, you could’ve told me.” He chuckled softly, “I know. I didn’t really think of getting a pet, but the little fella looked so helpless, you know?” I nodded, “let’s eat dinner, then we’ll figure out what to do with ‘em.” 

We sat at the dinner table and beat our gums as we did every night. It was nice to live a normal life. I felt free for the first time. Of course, my life wasn’t completely devoid of bloodshed. I carried out devious work with my keen partner Jake. He and I became very close after his injury. I even met his roommate Eddie. He was a very sweet florist that knew a lot of dangerous people. Jake and I included in the bunch. Mr. Fitz and I had grown quite close as well. He was like the father I never had. He even got my name up to Old Charlie. You know, Luciano was just starting out when I first started working for him. He rose through the ranks pretty fast if I do say so myself. I got to meet Lucky when I was twenty-six years old. He was a mighty fine guy, despite everything anyway.

“Hey love,” Carter announced, “I’m gonna be coming home late tomorrow night.” I nodded and took a had reasonable helping of soup. “What time will you be home by?” Tinsley tapped his foot and looked up at the ceiling before he snapped his fingers, “12am, at the earliest.” I flashed my best puppy eyes, “alright,” I acquiesced. “C’mon baby,” he pleaded, “you know that I’d spend every hour of my life with you if I could.” I smiled softly, “I know hun,” I glanced over at the gold animal as he slunk towards the table. “I think we should name him Gabriel,” I said as the little feline pawed at my leg. “My,” Carter giggled, “why such a biblical name?” I shrugged and ran my hand down his silky back. C.C took the dishes to the sink and I picked up the cat and held his feet. “Hey there,” I cooed, “are you a baby grand? Are you a big bimbo?” My boyfriend laughed and I set our pet down on the floor, “you love the little fella already.” 

It was 7:30pm when the phone rang. I answered with the usual greeting to find my friend Jake on the other line. “Hey Ricky,” he blurted, “don’t say anything, just listen.” Confused but intrigued, I kept my silence and let him explain the situation. “Look, I don’t know how but the bulls are onto you. They know you’ve been working for the mafia. Some piker must of given them the goods on you. Don’t go on the lamb though, I have a plan.” I swallowed hard, “alright,” I agreed. “What is it?” A sigh came from the other end of the line, “I can’t tell you or it won’t work.” I huffed and rolled my eyes, “Well that’s just swell ain’t it?” A sarcastic laugh echoed in my ears, “ ‘m sorry Rick, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” I smiled and twirled the chord, “yeah I know, thanks for letting me know Jake, I’ll talk to ya soon.” With that I hung up the phone and walked over to a distracted Tinsley. He sat in the floor and loved on our new family member Gabriel. “Hey Tinman,” I purred as I started to unbutton my shirt, “I’m going to take a bath.” The Detective nodded as he scratched the golden felines head. I smiled as I slipped my shirt off and tossed it on the couch “would you care to join me?” Carter ceased all movement as a lovely shade of pink crept up his cheeks. “I-” he stammered as he looked up at me, “I-I’d love too.” 

The hot water steamed up the medicine cabinet mirror. Tinsley, being much taller than I am, climbed into the tub before me. I laid on top of him and listen to his odd heartbeat. It comforted me to hear it pound so soundly in his chest. It was a clear reminder that my love was alive. Not that he was fated to die or anything, it was just a lovely reminder that he was here with me. “Hey Carter,” I said, “are you ever worried about the mafia coming for ya?” He shrugged, “not usually, but recently I have,” he answered, “I started investigating them a little bit recently and I don’t think they like that too much.” I nodded and ran my scarred fingers through his hair, “would you hate me if I was a mobster?” Suddenly, C.C laughed and kissed me on the forehead, “hate you,” he asked incredulously, “never. I’d love you even if you were a murder, kitten.” I chuckled and tucked my head underneath his chin. “You are an interesting creature Mr. Tinsley,” I said, “you never cease to amaze me.” He simpered and closed his eyes, “yeah yeah, I love you too.” 

It was time to sleep and I was about to climb into the bed when I heard a noise from the living room. “Carter,” I whispered urgently, “Carter! Did you hear that?” He nodded wordlessly and reached into a nearby drawer. The detective silently pulled out a revolver and signaled me to wait there. Now, if I were a normal person, I would’ve listened to my boyfriend, but as you know, I am nowhere next to normal. I slunk over to my jacket and pulled out my Walter PPK. Carter flashed me a stunned look as I loaded my gun quick and with relative ease. We walked out, guns at the ready, our fingers rested just above the trigger. However, we didn’t even have time to react. Suddenly, I was on the ground and two men had Tinsley locked by the arms. Two people grabbed me and started to drag me away when Tinsley broke their grip and ran to assist me. I saw one of them raise a gun and I instinctively kicked C.C in the legs, which hurt him, but allowed the bullet to miss him. While he was down, the man, whose face was covered, placed the barrel between his eyes. “STOP,” I screamed “What do you want?!?” One of the men who held me calmly said, “you Mr. Goldsworth.” At this point, I thought Jesse Fear had me figured out and wanted to bump me off. However, I was determined to have my final act on this earth to be protecting Tinsley. “You want me?” I barked, “you can have me! But leave him alone you hear! I’ll do anything you want, just- just leave him be.” They agreed and removed the barrel from his head, his eyes pleaded with me but, he couldn’t say a word. “I’m sorry Tinman,” I consoled, “everything will be alright, I promise.”

I was thrown into the backseat of some car with a mighty ugly color. Well to be fair, I don’t like bright colors all that much, especially silver, I always preferred copper or gold over silver. Funny since my last name is Goldsworth isn’t it? Anyway, I was terrified out of my mind, rightfully so might I add, but I wasn’t gonna let it show. As you’ve probably guessed, I have an incredible poker face. “I’m very sorry about this Mr. Goldsworth,” an unfamiliar voice said from the driver's seat, “but this is the only thing your friend Jake could think of.” I relaxed and smirked at the comment, “ahh so you’re the mafia,” I concluded, “so you kidnapped me to make it look like I don’t know you and that it’s Tinsley investigation that, for the lack of a better term, fucked me over.” The driver laughed and looked back at me, I didn’t recognize him. “Yes sir,” he agreed, “I’m sorry for all the fuss, I hope my little underlings didn’t hurt your friend all too bad.” A realization hit me hard and fast. I sat up straight as he continued to drive calmly. “Mr. Luciano?” I asked, “is that really you?” The man nodded and continued to drive as if it was nothing. “Why?” I asked, dreadfully confused, not by the fact that was there, but by the fact that he was helping me. “I’m low on the scale in terms of the mafia,” answered Charles, “I want men I can trust, and who trust me in return.” I nodded and leaned back in my seat, “and you think you can trust me, do you?” I asked, eager to hear his response. “I better,” he murmured, “if not, I could always take you for a ride.” I let out a laugh and clasped my hands together, “you don’t have to worry about that sir. I’m with you.” 

A week passed and I was still in ‘captivity’ by the mafia. They had treated my quite nicely compared to the other bastards we brought. They roughed me up a bit, which was to be expected. You gotta look the part, you know? And it’s not like I’ve never had the hell beat outta me before. I dealt with it all my life. I remember, clear as day, when they decided they had me for too long. Jake walked in the room, and apologized profusely. I told him it was quite alright and that I was happy his little plan worked. Actually, his idea worked better than any of us could’ve imagined. They had actual bulls out there looking for me! It was a swell thing to hear, that much I can tell you. Jake had also told me that they have a bull on the inside that was more than willing to ‘bring me home.’ That cop ended up being Ben McClintok. You should have seen his face when he saw me. This is when I found out his little mobster nickname. You probably know this already, but every mafia member has a nickname. Lucianos was Lucky, Al Capones was Scarface, Dutch Schultz was The Dutchman, so on and so on. Bens was, Banjo. Yeah, I know, not very mobster like is it? Apparently he got the name because he had the genius idea to hide dope in banjos. Anyway, Banjo McClintok, and he was a stupid bastard. Anyway, Banjo and Jake had a long debate on whether they should shoot me before they dumped me at the police station. I threw my two cents in when I told them, and told them quite honestly, I had been shot and shot at enough for one lifetime. McClintok told me that hostages didn’t have a say in what happens to them, I told him he was a rat. Finally I heard one of Luciano’s closest men said that they were instructed to shoot me, non fatally, in the stomach. So that’s what they did. 

It hurt like hell. I mean, I’ve been shot there before so it wasn’t as bad but still. A bullet is a bullet, it doesn’t matter who fired it or where it hit. Tinsley was at the station when they threw me out of an old Bentley. Now, I knew I would be thrown out of a moving car after I had been shot, I would’ve told them to politely fuck off. Carter knelt down next to me, and I can’t even describe how elated I was to see him. His hair was a mess and he looked absolutely exhausted. “Hey there Tinman,” I breathed out, and proceeded to cough up a trace amount of blood. Tears welled in his eyes, “this is my fault,” he choked, “I’m so sorry Ricky.” The guilt I felt was unimaginable. I hated it when he cried, especially when he cried over me. I sat up, “no,” I placed a hand on his cheek, “don’t you ever blame yourself, you hear? This isn’t your fault, it never will be. It’s mine, I should’ve been more careful, I should’ve-” I started to cough and more blood fell from my lips. “Don’t talk,” he said as he picked me up from the sidewalk, “Save your strength, I need you to make it through this.” 

Well needless to say, I was fine. I was in the hospital for a few days, all my expenses were paid for by an unknown benefactor. Carter actually managed to sleep a good amount after he had heard of my survival. He almost went a week without sleeping. I said almost because Peggy knocked him out with a frying pan for at least a full day. Whether that was accidental or on purpose, I am unsure. Neither her, nor her girlfriend would tell me. Jordan was once again my nurse in the hospital and she told me how Tinsley was doing when I couldn’t see him. She also told me they had to force him to eat and take care of himself. “He was grummy without you Ricky,” she admitted, “he thinks he was left holding the bag.” I sighed, if the tables were turned and my darling was in the hospital, I would’ve blamed myself too. In fact, I blamed myself for a lot of work based injuries he got. Usually he got the hell beat outta him, and I was always there to heal his wounds. I promised him that I would always be there to heal his wounds. And I promise you, I didn’t mean to lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for putting Ricky through this shit but hey we here for a good time not a long time  
> -Meredith (tinsworthisunderrated)


	13. Chapter 13

Life went swell for a long time. Everything was Jake. My lover and I were as happy as could be. “Afternoon Carter,” I called as I stepped into our home. “Hello,” he said simply and slipped a file in his bag. “Well then,” I quipped, “what pissed you off today?” He traced the lines on his palms, “I’ve been assigned this murder case and I have been having a hell of a time with the evidence.” I hummed and started to make some tea, “what’s the case, maybe I could be some assistance?” Tinsley shook his head, “no no, I don’t want you to get involved, it could be dangerous.” Many remarks filled my head but almost all could incriminate me so I clamped my mouth shut. The water sloshed as I poured it into the kettle, “sugar, I love that you are protective of me but who’s going to protect you?” I ignited the stove, “now tell me the details and let me help you.” 

He huffed and pulled out the file, “now this is kind of graphic so beware.” Fear filled me for a moment, as I nodded for him to continue. “This man, Randy Johnson, was found in the woods outside of town, practically cut into pieces. However, his cause of blunt force trauma to the head.” My breath hitched, that was Jordan's ex-boyfriend. No one else knew he was here but her and I. “I don’t know,” he started, “what do you make of it sweetheart?” I walked over and sat down next to him, “is there any sign that the body was moved?” Tinsley tapped the table, “I mean it’s a possibility, what gave you the idea?” I sat down, “well if it were me,” I (said), “I would try to hide the body in a place like that. It’s secluded and out of the way, no one dies in the woods like that.” He placesas brilliant as you?” “Good luck,” I purred and leaned back in my chair, “do you have any suspects?” His whole demeanor changed. Carter looked triumphant, yet irritated “don’t need a suspect, I know who did it.” My eyes grew wide, “who did this then?” Tinsley leaned back in his chair “His name is Jesse Fear, he’s this queer teenager from Pennsylvania.” 

“Wait,” I uttered nervously, “is there any proof that is was him?” Carter sighed, “I don’t have evidence right now, but I know it was him.” I nodded and stood as the kettle screamed behind me. I poured myself a cup and offered one to Tinsley, but he declined. Suddenly he slammed his hand on the table and barked, “goddamnit I’m so frustrated!” It scared me, but I understood her anger. I set my cup down and grabbed Tinsleys hand and brought him to his feet. “Ricky,” he groaned, “what on god's green earth are you doing?” A small smile filled my lips, “we’re going to dance, love. You need a minute to breathe.” He slipped his hand around my waist as I placed my free one on his shoulder. We swayed to a song that never played, to a beat that never existed, a melody never heard by anyone but us. Carter relaxed and finally regained the ability to smile. God, he had a smile that could brighten the room. Tinsley kissed my forehead and I chuckled to myself. I can’t even expressed to you how in love with him I was. I still love him in such a worldless way. In that moment, as we just swayed like two drunkards with remarkable rhythm, I knew I wanted to be with him till the end. 

“Who would’ve thought,” I mused quietly. “Thought what?” my loved asked with a sweet curiosity. “That you and I would be this happy,” I answered thoughtfully and he kissed the top of my head, “I guess we did.” He spun me around and pulled me back into our little bubble. I laughed, I wasn’t much of a dancer, but Carter was. He could do The Charleston with relative ease. I love to watch him dance, even though it was slightly awkward for him too, probably because he’s so tall. I thought it was cute. He always told me his height was a problem with keeping girlfriends. I told him that I loved how tall he was compared to me. I found it quite endearing. The two of us danced for a little while before he spoke, “hey baby.” “Yes?” I replied. “Let’s get married.” 

I stopped dead in my tracks. “Carter, we--we can’t. You know that, there’s no law that would allow us-” He shushed me and smiled softly, “there’s no law to prevent us either.” We stared at each other for a long time, and we didn't move. “It won’t be on record, but we’ll have the rings, a wedding and every other thing we could possibly need.” Carter explained the little plan with such hope and such conviction that I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no. Little did he know I had wanted to ask the same question. If I could be married to him in any way, shape or form, I would do it. 

“Yes,” I simpered and pulled him close, “yes, I’ll marry you.” His brown eyes widened, as he began to laugh. Carter picked me up and spun me around like it was nothing as he exclaimed, “We’re getting married! We’re getting married!” The detectives joy slipped into my spirits and I began to join him on the exshaultation. We were destined to be together from the start. I knew it as soon as I saw his smile. Carter places me down and practically bounced over to the table. “We have to celebrate,” he announced cheerfully and I smiled at him. I knew the perfect way to celebrate. I sauntered over to him with a devilish idea. I smirked and grabbed him by his scarlet tie. “Well,” I purred, “Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna put those handcuffs of yours to good use?” Based on the circumstances, I think you know what he chose to do.

Well after our intimate physical activity, we decided that we should tell Jordan and Peggy. Carter said he’d drive over to tell them and that I could stay home for a bit. I happily agreed. Once he left, I made a phone call. “Heya mom,” I chirped, “how are you? How was Washington?” Gwen’s sweet laughter echoed in my ear, “it was darb sweetheart. You sound very chipper, what’s the good news?” I could barely contain myself. “I’m getting married!” I effused, “not properly married but married like you and aunt Eliza were! Oh Gwen you have to meet him!” “I would love too,” she said as calmly as she could. Which wasn’t very much, excitement dripped from her voice like honey. “How about this,” she proposed, “you two lovebirds fly up here to get married. Only take your closest cohorts and such, like Eliza and I.” I thought about it for a bit before I answered, “Well I think that sounds like a swell idea Gwen, I’ll ask Carter once he gets home.” She made a noise of affirmation before she spoke, “Well I’m going to go now deary. I want to go and tell Eliza.” A small pang of sadness filled me when she said that. I remember when I graduated highschool, we went to Eliza’s grave to tell her the good news. I went to her grave when I got accepted into Kings as well. Gwen and I always made sure she was kept in the loop, even after she was gone. It didn’t feel right if we didn’t tell her. 

I walked around our empty house, absolutely enamored with the thought of being insured to Tinsley. Well almost empty house, as our cat Gabriel laid on our sofa dead asleep. “Dewdropper,” I murmured without malice, I loved the lazy animal. A melancholy idea filled my head, I told myself I should let my actual mother know my situation. However, I wasn’t even sure if she was alive after I ran away. So I did something I never thought I’d do. I went home and of course, I brought my fiancé with me. When I told him I was going home find my mother, he told me to pack and that he’ll inform his clients that their cases would be postponed due to personal reasons. I think I told him that I loved him at least twenty times before I even got ready to go. I think he replied “I know honey, I know,” to at least half of my proclamations. 

I remember when we got there, I was so excited to see things I knew. All the streets I knew by memory and they looked just as they had years before. It was nostalgic for me, and for my fiancé, an enigmatic set of emotions filled him. I told him all about my various experiences and how I was sensitive to certain things. I was sensitive to emotions, you refer to us as empaths now. “When I was around seven,” I explained, “I was climbing this tree in this funny old birds yard when suddenly…” I made a grand gesture with my hands to show how I eventually toppled off the branch. “I fell, and I fell hard. I remember I woke up, and all I felt was panic but it wasn’t me panicking. It was my mother Lucy.” Carter stared at me with unreadable eyes, “is everything okay C.C?” He shook his head and smiled, “yes I’m fine! Why do you ask?” I sighed and took his hand, “you can tell me, you know? We are getting married.” Tinsley nodded and took a deep breath, “I just-” he looked away, towards the sky. The Hollywood sun was a deep orange, the city scape cut through it sharply. It was a beautiful place, a city that truly looked like it had been painted. However, I wasn’t focused on the scene, I was focused on the masterpiece that was soon to have my last name. “I don’t know how you do it Ricky,” he said finally, “after everything that happened here, all the pain, all the heartache, you still..still..” He turned towards me, his face filled with confusion and deep with pity, “you still find the beauty in this place.” I planted a soft kiss on his cheek, “memories are a funny thing Tinman. No matter what happens, I will always remember this place at its best. I was born here, raised here, and if you’d be willing, get married here.” His eyes widened and he smiled thoughtful, “you are an angel in disguise Golden Boy.” I shook my head, “I’m better than that,” I said, “I’m a man, and an insured one at that.” 

This moment that I am soon to tell you, is not my proudest moment. We walked to my old house, it was just the same as it was when I had left. Every single object was in its place. I heard a shuffle from the kitchen, and out walked Lucy. Her hair faded into gray, her eyes a bit darker and her skin not as lovely. “Mama?” I asked “¿Eres tú? ¿Mamá?” She looked up at me and flashed me a kind smile, “¡Hijo mío, hace mucho que no te veo!” I looked back at Tinsley and then back to my mother. “How,” I choked on my words before I continued, “how are you mama?” She nodded as she sat down on the couch, “¡Soy bueno! I mean,” she looked at Tinsley and shook her head, “I’m good. I’ll speak in English for your friend here.” Tinsley bowed his head and smiled, “that’s mighty kind of you mrs, thank you.” Lucy waved his hand “don’t fret dear. Now my boy, how are you? How is Eliza?” I held back tears, I walked towards her and knelt by her side. “Mama, she..” I had to pause and take a breath, “she died, a long time ago, didn’t you know?” She looked deeply saddened, as if it were the first time she had heard this news, but I knew it couldn’t of been. “Ah,” her voice came out soft, “yes yes, I remember.” 

She sat up straight and patted my head, “oh don’t be sad dearie. My memory gets away from me sometimes, it’s nothing bad.” I nodded and faked my best smile, “alright mama.” Lucy made a gesture towards Carter, “take a seat mister,” she grinned and looked at me, “if you’re friends with my son, then you must be a good man.” He nodded and sat down in a nearby chair, “thank you Mrs. Goldsworth, its nice to finally meet you.” My mother sighed, “it’s nice to meet you too Mr..” she looked at me, then back at him. “Oh I’m very sorry, I must’ve forgotten your name,” she rubbed the back of her neck, and C.C practically pounced on her guilt. “No, no,” he said, waving his hands, “I haven’t introduced myself. My name is C.C Tinsley ma’am.” She hummed, and looked at me, “Well isn’t he sweet?” I chuckled and nodded once, “we’ve been living together,” I admitted and turned to look at him, “were like Gwen and aunt Elizabeth.” She made a noise, “Are you two…” she faded off, like she was thinking of something. She snapped her fingers and looked at me, “Ricky dear, what’s the word for Casado?” I placed a hand on her leg, “married is Casado in English, and no we aren’t, not yet anyway.” She ran her fingers through my hair, “Estoy muy feliz por ti hijo,” she cooed, her fingers still in my hair, “I love being..” she paused, lost in thought. “married! Thats the word right? I love being married. Carlos might be hard person to be married too, but I love him.” 

“Mama, where Carlos?” I asked calmly, actually terrified of her answer. She tilted her head, then she realized who I referred to, “oh your father? He just left, he should be home soon.” Fear shot up my spine when she said that. Absolute terror flooded my entire body when I heard the front door open. In walked my father, much older and more despondent than he used to be. I was terrified and I know Tinsley could easily see it. “Oh,” Carlos said as he set something down, “you came back.” I stood and took a deep breath, this man wasn’t going to make me feel afraid anymore. I had stared down death and I had lived; he wasn’t going to make me tremble anymore, I wasn’t a child. “Carlos,” I hissed, attempting to keep my voice level, “what happened to mama?” He looked at me, at my mother, then at Tinsley, then back at me. “She got brain damage after you left,” he answered. I let out a deep breath, “after you beat her to near death?” I gritted my teeth, Carter stood up and walked towards me. “Ricky,” Carter murmured, “I think we should go.” I nodded calmly and I turned back to look at Lucy, “I’ve got to go mama,” tears pricked at my eyes, “I love you.” She smiled at me and waved, “I love you too mijo, come and visit me soon!” 

Tinsley put his hand on my back and we began to leave, until my father grabbed my arm. “I should’ve killed you when you were a boy, ” he growled. I didn’t even think about my response, the words just fell out. “I wish you killed me, then I would’ve got to torture you when you got to hell.” Carlos smirked and gripped my arm tighter; it actually began to hurt. “You think you’re going to hell boy?” he snarled and twisted my arm. Now, I can tell you, I wasn’t scared, I was furious, and in that moment I was gonna do something about it. Before I could do anything, Tinsley yanked his arm off me, “Let him go,” he snapped, and I looked at my lover, more grateful than words could express. We walked out and down the street, I couldn’t speak. I don’t know if I was in shock or if I was so furious that I couldn't say a damn thing without the urge to shoot someone. Truthfully I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry in my entire life. Not even when I found out about Jesse Fear. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared, not since he tried to kill me as a kid. 

We continued on down the street; that’s when I saw it. The fucking church was still there. It looked newer than it did all that time ago. Everything came back to me at once. It hit me hard and fast. My mom, the way her blood pooled on the floor and coagulated on her face. The absolute rage in Carlos’s eyes as the cops cuffed him. Even worse the way that fucking priest looked at me before I blacked out on that pew. I hated Hollywood, I hated California, I just wanted to go home. Istarted to cry, I dropped onto my knees and lamented loudly. Carter dropped down next to me and held me as my body racked with sobs. “Why,” I wailed, “WHY DIDN'T IT BURN??” Carter pulled me close and held me as tight as he could. We sat there, in the middle of the sidewalk in the California night. “We shouldn’t have come,” I wept, “I want to go home.” Carter kissed the top of my head, “I know,” he looked up at the stars and took a deep breath, “we’ll go home tomorrow okay? I promise you. I’ll always protect you.” 

We stayed the night at Gwen’s house. She could tell that I was a little unstable and decided to not ask any questions. I went straight to bed, but I didn’t sleep, I just wanted to be alone for awhile. Carter understood and didn’t bother me and neither did Gwen. But they talked for what seemed like hours and perhaps it was. I don’t know and at the time I didn’t care. I was tired, not drowsy, just tired. “What happened today?” She asked, “He saw his father,” Tinsley answered, “it wasn’t good.” A sigh enacted from the living room, “I suppose it wouldn’t have been. He’s a rat bastard. I feel so bad for Lucy” There was a long silence between the two of them. It was deafening. I couldn’t tell if it they talked quietly or not at all. “Gwen,” he said which slashed through the silence, his voice unsteady. “Can I confess something to you?” The sound of something shifting filled the air before Gwen said “yes of course.” Another sigh echoed down the hall, “I’m a Private Detective, and before that, I was an actual Detective. I’ve killed people before and I hate it! I hate it! And what’s worse is that I’ve wanted someone dead before. In all my years of doing that job, I have never, never, wanted to kill anyone as badly as I did his father.” My breath hitched, I climbed out of bed and stood by the door to hear better. “He felt no guilt, no remorse, and he said something to Ricky that made my blood boil. God, I was so close to killing him. I felt like I should’ve. After everything he did to him, I felt like the one thing I really could’ve done was just kill him. All I want to do is protect Ricky, and I just let the bastard go. Some fiancé I am.” 

Gwen’s soft voice let out a chuckle, “you really love him, don’t you?” I heard someone jump to their feet, “of course I do,” Tinsley exclaimed, “he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I love everything about him! His eyes, his hair, his laugh, his scars, his personality, and all the little things he does! He really knows how to make me weak in the knees, I can tell you that. I love him so much, and I’m gonna marry him! I’m gonna marry the love of my life and I’ve never been happier!” A fierce blush crept up my face, his excitement made me melt into a small, lovey dovey pile on the floor. If I made him weak in the knees, lord knows what he does to me. I snuck out of my room and towards the living room as Tinsley continued to proclaim his love for me. “There’s something about him that I can’t describe, but when I look at him, I just feel it. It’s this wordless emotion, it’s so pure. He,” Carter paused and span around melodramatically, “he feels like home.” It took him a while to realize that I stood in the threshold, completely enamored by him and his words. “Ricky,” he breathed out, and fixed his posture, “how much did you hear?” I simpered and looked at Gwen, “all of it,” I answered, “and the feelings are mutual my dear. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.” I walked over and signaled Tinsley to lean down, “give me a kiss, won’t you?” He did it without a second thought, and I stood there, enveloped in his love. 

We went home the day after. I was more than relieved to see our dewdropper cat and our gal pals that lived down the road. They were more excited to see us than anything. Actually they called us as soon as we got home, and told us to wait there like we wanted to be anywhere else. The girls pulled up not even twenty minutes later, absolutely mirthful. “My god Ricky!” Peggy exclaimed, “we just heard the best news of our entire lives!” My fiancé and I were both very interested now. “Oh it’s just the bee knees!” Jordan added, practically bouncing. “Well,” Carter said “tell us then!” The two women looked at each other then back at us. “I’m pregnant!” Jordan exclaimed, her hand tightly clasped in Peggy’s. My eyes widened, “you’re joking,” i laughed, “it worked! It really worked!” I rushed over to Jordan and pulled her into a tight hug, “Jordan you’re going to be a mother!” The angst and grief from Hollywood was a distant memory at that moment. It was all joy, we only focused on the good parts then. C.C was obscenely blissful, he grabbed me by the waist and held me close. “We’re gonna be uncles James,” he simpered and squeezed me tightly, “can you believe it?” I looked over at Jordan and Peggy who were laughing and kissing. 

At that moment I knew, I had the best family I could’ve asked for. C.C, Peggy, Jordan and I, were the perfect family. I didn’t need anything else. No matter how long it took, or what I had to do, I needed to put Hollywood behind me. Because in that moment, being in Carters arms, celebrating a baby soon to come, I was home. For the first time in my entire life, I felt at home and I wanted to appreciate it in its ripe divinity. He was a good man, and god knows how much I loved him. I still love him, no matter what. No person or thing could change that. Carter was my life and my true love. He gave my life a purpose, and I fulfilled it; and I will never regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I know how to write? Not in the fucking slightest but this was fun to do. It’s not the best thing I’ve written but I enjoyed writing it


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING

By the end of the month, Carter and I were more than ready to be more than each other’s fiancé. The wedding was planned discreetly by Peggy and I, the arrangements such as the place and clothing were done by Jordan and Carter. Childhood friends doing their part in this little wedding. It was very exciting! I was more excited than anyone, well maybe not as much as my husband to be, but no one in the world could happier than us. Now I know I keep saying how much I love him but I don’t think I can say it enough times for me to even come close to how I truly feel. I love him with a love that felt so much deeper than love. It was as if we were bonded at the soul or even deeper than the soul. It is something I still can’t explain, even now I still can’t put it into words, except the three words I seem to have a habit of repeating. 

I loved weddings, they are so much fun. I’ve been to a few in my time and was the best man for two of them. One of them wasn’t technically a wedding; it was like ours except even more discreet. It was Lee Fei’s, remember him? My lawyer friend from Chicago? The one that was in love with his law partner? Well he actually got the balls to tell Atticus how he felt. From what he told me on the phone, that after he had blurted out, ‘I’ve been in love with you since Law School,’ that Atticus had run out the door. Lee was a mess, he cried and told me that he made the biggest mistake of his life. So I told him to calm down and that I’d come over to check on him. When I got there however, he didn’t answer the door and that made me real nervous. As much as I love the guy, Lee is no bimbo, he’s very emotional and not as strong willed. Yes, he can fake being cut-throat, but acting comes with his line of work. When I managed to get inside, illegally of course but I had probable cause, my friend was on the floor, absolutely blotto. The door was slightly ajar after I had picked the lock, but that didn’t matter to me at the time. I have never seen anyone that drunk in my entire life, not even you. 

“Lee!” I yelled as I snatched the nearly empty bottle of liquor from his hand, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” He flashed me a crooked smile, “driinknn my sssorrows,” he slurred and attempted to stand up, but his legs weren’t too happy with him. I knelt down in front of him, “Fei,” I said, “how much did you drink?” His head lolled to the side, he passed out from all of the liquor he drank, which totaled up to three very big bottles of whiskey. He had a low alcohol tolerance in the first place, the amount he drank could’ve killed him. If he had finished the bottle I took from him, I would’ve found a dead man instead of an ossified one. I heard a car pull up in the driveway, and in order to save face, I carried Lee to his bedroom. The person walked right into his house, “Lee?” they called out, “Lee? It’s me, where are you?” The voice was low and had a southern drawl to it. It was Atticus. I stepped out of Lee’s room and stared him down. “Who are you?” He asked me and it took a lot of me not to scream at him. “I’m a friend of Lee’s,” I looked towards the small table and saw a note that had him name written on it. “Might wanna read that,” I said as I went back into his room. 

He was on the floor when I walked back in. “Goddamnit,” I grumbled as I hoisted him up into a sitting position, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” To my surprise, he nodded his head and leaned into me, “I lost him.” I wrapped my arms around him, “no you didn’t. He came back for you.” He grumbled something that might of been a question or might of been something else. All I knew was that I had to sober him up or he’ll be on the verge of death by the morning. I hoisted him up and we half stumbled, half strode to the bathroom. When Atticus laid eyes on him, he went into ‘full blown panic mode’ as you would say. “Oh my god,” he exclaimed as he rushed to Fei’s other side for support, “what happened to him!?” I explained to him that he was fried beyond the normal scale and that he needed to sober up and fast. 

We put Lee in the bathtub and I sighed as rolled up my sleeves. “This is the second time I had to use my medical expertise in a bathtub,” I groaned as I knelt down to check his pulse. His heart was beating very fast than what was normal, and that wasn’t good. “Atticus this is important so I want you to listen,” I said and looked at him for confirmation that I had his undivided attention. “Some people have a tendency to have bad reactions towards alcohol. Some can’t process alcohol right which can be very dangerous. Lee drank way to much and at this point, and to be quite frank with you, he could die.” His eyes widened and he looked towards his friend, who was barely conscious at this point. “Listen Miller,” I started again, “he could live but I need you to understand what we’re risking if I don’t do something.” He nodded and grabbed one of Lee’s hands, “please help him.” 

I jumped up and ran into the kitchen, he still had some ice left after the delivery guy left it. I filled a pot with water and through some ice in there. It had to melt a bit so I filled a class up and rushed back in there. “Drink,” I ordered and placed it to his lips and he slurped it greedily. Atticus was so close to saying he loved him but I told him not too, not while his heart rate was that high. After he finished the glass I rushed out and grabbed the pot of water, all of it had pretty much melted by now. Before I tell you what I did, I just want you to know that I felt bad about it but I also found it amusing. I ran in the room and I looked at Miller for approval, though I didn’t need it. Without any second thought, I dumped the pot of cold water on him. He shot up like a bullet, and was ten times more cognitive that he had been the entire night. “Ricky?” He asked, “what the hell happened? Where am I?” I assumed he noticed Atticus already and just decided to talk to me instead. “You’re at home,” I answered and I checked his pulse, it was much calmer than it was. “What’s the last thing you remember?” I quizzed, trying to get a feel for his mental state. “Remember,” he repeated, his eyes fell on Atticus, something must’ve clicked cause he looked at me expectantly. “The last thing I remember was that I was on the phone with you,” he said calmly, “but nothing after that.” 

I looked at Atticus and gave him a nod essentially to tell him, ‘okay, your turn.’ Lee is a great friend of mine, and I had some trust in Mr. Miller, so I stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door. “Goddamn,” I murmured as I flung myself onto his couch. At that point, I just wanted to go home and listen to music with my fiancé, but I had a feeling that it wasn’t gonna happen. I was pleasantly proven wrong as Atticus told me that he’d stay the night and that I could go home. They got married in the bathroom. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. When I got home, Carter was quite nervous. “Where were you?” He jumped up and cupped my face, “I was really worried about you. After all that mafia business, I was terrified you were-” I cut him off with a kiss and told him I had to help a friend. We fell asleep on the couch not long after. 

Damn, I got way off track, didn’t I? Sorry, I have a habit of doing that. If I ever do that again, just let me know. Anyway, let’s get back to my wedding. I had to stay at Jordan’s apartment the night before because she didn’t want him to see me. Peggy was going to stay at home while Madzie went to Carters and mine. We both told her it would be easier if I just stayed at home with him, but she wasn’t having it. “It’s bad luck!” She exclaimed as she grabbed her bag, a little wobbly since she was pregnant. Peggy and I agreed to let her go. We both just wanted another night with our lovers, but we happily settled with our best friends. I didn’t sleep that night and neither did Margret. Well, to be fair she never sleeps. She has insomnia, and she only sleeps whenever Jordan sneaks hospital items home. 

“You know Peg,” I began as I poured a glass of liquor, “I think this Prohibition Law is baloney.” She hummed in response as she took a sip of her spirit as well. “Look at us,” I made a grand gesture to the bottle, “were just calmly drinking alcohol to relax. What’s so wrong with that?” Her glass was empty by the time I asked the question. “I dunno,” she said as she took the bottle from my hand, “lotta of those good Christian Women have beef with liquor. Little do they know however, bootleggers would be living the dream!” I laughed and drank some rum, “get rich quick, mafia style. All those bug-eyed Betty’s just made it easier for the mob to get a bit more powerful.” Peggy nodded in agreement, and took a sip straight from the bottle. “Speaking of the mafia,” she through her hands up melodramatically, “are they still helping you with college?” I took the bottle from her and stared at it thoughtfully. “Actually,” I murmured, unsure if I wanted to tell her or not. 

See I had thought about my connection with the mob for quite sometime by then. I didn’t hate working for them; a nice job would always pop up when I needed a murderous fix. Not only that, but they were on the hunt for Jesse Fear as well. They had been most helpful in the time that I did work for them, but I knew that somewhere down the road, their helpfulness would run out. Jesse was still out there, and I wanted him dead. The only way I could find him, is if I had time to look for him. “I’m thinking of dropping out,” I admitted and Peggy shot up, almost sober. “What?” She stood up and walked over to me, “Ricky you love medicine! You can’t just leave it.” I smiled at her, “I’m not going to abandon medicine, doll. Hell, I’ll probably use it a lot. I’m going to work with Carter to catch that little ofay bastard Jesse Fear.” Her eyes filled with concern, “does Carter know about your little plan?” she asked. I took a swig of the rum, “Well no. I thought I’d propose it to him after the wedding tomorrow.” She shook her head at me, “you just wanna torture people legally.” I laughed and handed her the bottle, “that’s just a bonus.”

The morning came quicker than I thought it would. Peggy went into her room to get dressed and put her makeup on. I swear, she always took so long to get ready. Now it usually never took me longer than 15 minutes to get ready for the day, but as you know, this was different. My attire consisted of a white suit jacket and pants, a black button down and white tie. That was the first time I ever wore anything nice before. Usually I wore a white shirt and a vest along with it. Always had my sleeves rolled up; I wasn’t the biggest fan of washing blood off my clothes. Peggy came in and did my hair after she put her face on. See, my hair’s naturally curly like yours is, and she always said it was a bitch to do curly hair. “I don’t want anybody razzing you,” she said as she pulled out a jar of hair grease. “Margret dear,” I quipped, “the only person that razzes me is you.” She slicked my hair back and combed it throughly. “You know Ricky,” she chuckled, “Whenever I thought of us and a wedding, I always believed it would be ours.” My eyes followed her hands in the mirror. “Really?”  
I asked, “but you and I are both-” Peggy smacked me upside the head, “don’t you think I know we’re homosexual! You dumb fucking Dora!” I rubbed my neck as she continued to comb my hair, I could hear her sigh behind me. “I really thought I was in love with you,” she said as she took a small part of my hair and curled it. I nodded, “I did too.”

We arrived at Central Park at around 9am. Jordan and Carter decided that we should have our little ceremony there, since that’s where we first met. We walked through the park and I simpered as I looked around. “You know,” I put my hands in my pockets, “the first time Carter and I met, he defended me.” She looked at me and made a gesture for me to continue. “This guy yelled some cruel words and I was about to do something undignified until he swooped in.” Peggy locked her arm around mine, “I met Jordan in the hospital. My fiancé at the time beat me, and I ended up there. She was my nurse, and I fell in love with her on sight.” I reeled back for a second, “you told me that a friend accidentally hurt you! Why did you lie?” Margaret sighed, “cause I knew you’d kill him. Turns out you did anyway.” I stopped dead and looked at her, more serious than I have been in a while, “I didn’t kill him.” Her eyes widened, and I nodded once, and she did the same in response. At that moment she understood that we were dealing with a real monster. 

There was this little secluded place in the park that we met up in. I heard Jordan and Carter talk about life and such. “Wait here,” Peggy instructed and she took a few steps forward and pushed away a brush. “Ready?” she yelled and I heard them shuffle into place. She linked arms with me, “Are you ready Ricky?” I took a deep breath and nodded, “Its like swimming in an ocean without sharks. You’re still anxious even though you’re safe.” She smiled and leaned into me a bit, “You’re Okay Richard. He’s not going to hurt you.” I nodded once, “I know.”

I remember the thought I had before she pushed away the brush. ‘Thank you God.’ 

He looked like a regular Joe Brooks. It felt like it was the first time I ever saw him. “Tinsley how you vamp me,” I murmured as Peggy and I walked in time. Carter beamed with pure joy, his hands fidgeted excitedly. He looked over at Jordan then back at me, then back at Jordan. “Fuck it,” he rushed over to me and pulled me by the waist and pressed me against him. “Kiss me,” he purred and I shot him a flirtatious smile, “you don’t have to ask.” The moment was phenomenal. Without another thought I kissed him back. Our tongues explored each others mouth in one moment of passion. My heart did somersaults and I felt my knees go weak. He pulled away and I felt my lips and tongue chase him, but I realized what we were doing. Jordan yelled, “just say your vows, this isn’t official.” 

He looked at me for approval, which I silently gave him. “Richard James Goldsworth,” C.C grinned, “you are the love of my life. You mean the whole world to me, the whole universe to me. When I first met you, I knew I had to be with you. Even though I was scared, my heart had already made its decision. I promise you, I will stand by your side no matter what you do. In sickness and in health, I am undoubtedly yours.” Carter took and old wedding ring out of his pocket and put it on my finger. His smile was contagious.

I took both of his hands and looked up into his innocent eyes. “Charles Carter Tinsley,” I closed my eyes, and squeezed his hands tightly. “I have never known love before I met you. Everything that I’ve been through, and everything I’ve done, it all led me here, to you. I don’t regret a thing. You are the light of my life, and I would do anything in the world for you. I swear to you, on my soul, I will protect you no matter what. Till death do us part, I will forever be yours.” I pulled a wedding band out of my pocket and slipped it on his finger. We stood there for a long time, admiring the fact that we wore those sacred rings. Someone said ‘you may now kiss the groom’ but I didn’t care who. He leaned down and I boosted myself up and we kissed like never before. It was passionate, it was romantic, it was euphoric in every sense of the word. I belonged to him and he belonged to me and I would never let him go. I didn’t want to let him go. But I did let him go. He took my hand and smiled, “ready to go home sweetheart?” I nodded once and we walked hand in hand out of the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck you guys, I am so happy with all of this! I hope y’all are enjoying this as much as I am


	15. Chapter fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter took so long, i hope you like it

Jordan’s baby was born in 1928. Her name was Giselle, but I just called her Gidget. They decided against Guinevere cause as soon as they saw her, they knew her name had to be Giselle. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. My little Gidget was born with a head full of hair and a crooked nose. She laughed all the time and she sure loved to pull my hair. I fell in love with the little thing as soon as I saw her. Carter and I watched her all the time since Jordan worked. Gabriel, our cat, absolutely adored her. He’d sit in front of her basket, and would not let us touch her while he was on guard. For a little while, life was coepetic. I had a niece who I adored, a wonderful husband, and a steady job. You know, I didn’t have the easiest life as a child. You know everything I went through, in more detail than you wish you knew. And I want you to know that when I was with Carter, I felt new. I felt found. Do you know what it feels like to find someone like that? To find someone who knows you better than you do, who laughs with you, cries with you and if God be willing to lay down and die with you? Oh right, you do. I act like you never met your best friend. He’d follow you to hell and back with only mild complaining. He’s good, he’s not good like C.C but he’s good nonetheless.

I lived with Carter for a long time. Those were the best years of my life. I have never felt a love like that before I met him. Charles Carter Tinsley, he was the love of my life. He is the love of my life. And we loved that little girl. Jordan was at work when she said her first word. She was playing with the cat, who seemed to enjoy the constant attention from her. I knelt down to pick her up when she pointed to Gabriel and loudly proclaimed, “baby!” I froze and looked at her, shocked to the core. “What did you say?” She smiled, babbled in baby speak, but it was nothing coherent. I picked her up and bounced her stunned and excited. “What’s Gabriel?” I asked as I pointed at the cat, “baby!” I all but cried. “C.C come here! She just said her first word!” I’ve never seen him run so fast in my entire life and had to dodge bullets in his 20’s. He stood next to me and I point to our cat, “what did you call him?” She smiled and pointed again, “baby!” Carter practically melted on the spot. “Jordan’s going to lose her marbles when she hears this!” he exclaimed as he rushed over to the phone. “Oh dear,” I murmured, as I bounced Gidget in my arms, “she’s not gonna be happy. Is she love? She’ll be real mad.” 

I stopped cursing as much when she was born, I wanted to raise her right. I wanted to be good, I wanted to be better than my father could ever dream of being. Somewhere deep down, I knew I was better than him, yet at the same time I thought we were the same, and it frightened me. I was an ex-serial killer, I had taken the lives of at least eleven people from my teens to my late twenties. My father would beat my mother and he tried to kill me a couple of times. Was I really better than him? I killed people like him, rapists and wife beaters and pedophiles, but did that make me the better person? C.C knew about my doubts, and he always made attempts to get them to subside. I think he knew that he could never cast those thoughts aside, but he tried. He was a great man, the best I ever knew.

Before I continue, I wanted to talk to you about something. I wanted to talk to you about Shane. Now I really like the fella, he’s swell, real swell but if we’re gonna do what we’re planning to do, he can’t come with you. Hell, I don’t even think he should know. It’s for the best, you know? He doesn’t believe in the things you can see. You could tell him, “this is dangerous Madej, don’t take any wooden dimes, you hear?” and he’d just act like he didn’t hear you. Not that I think that he doesn’t listen to you or respect your advice, but when it comes to things like this, he doesn’t believe. Also, if something were to happen to him, you’d never forgive yourself. You and I are the same in that respect. Look, I know this is hard to deal with, I understand. I really do, I know my onions about hiding things from someone you love, but it’s in his best interest that he stays away until our little deal is done. 

I also wanna say thank you for the help. Thank you for listening to me for as long as you have. It’s gotta be hard on you, but I really do appreciate it. Okay I’m done, I’ll get back to Gidget and C.C now.

One conversation between Carter and I that I remember was about how Gidget was gonna look when she was all grown up. “I think she’ll be tall like you,” I admitted as I prepared for dinner, “she just seems like it.” C.C chuckled as he cradled a cup of tea, “do you think she’ll be as tall as me?” I shot him an annoyed look over my shoulder, “you should really know better dear.” His smile widened, “who knows! Maybe she’ll be short like Jordan, she’s already got her hair.” I nodded as I chopped vegetables, “she’s got your eyes though. Big and dumb.” “Hey!” he barked, “my niece does not have dumb looking eyes!” I made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a giggle, “oh? And your eyes do?” His face flushed a bright pink, “do you think I look dumb?” I turned around and stared deep into his eyes, “I think you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life.” 

There’s this face that Carter made whenever I complimented him. I have no real way of describing it but I can tell you what it made me feel. It was like slow dancing to Louis Armstrong in an old bar, the smell of smoke a liquor drifting through the air like it had a purpose. He made me feel things that I can only equate in stories or in quotes, but never in my own words. Carter was that simple kind of lovely, and I was hopeless chasing after.

“You wanna know something Ricky?” my husband traced the rim of his cup thoughtfully, “I dreamt about our first meeting last night.” I left the kitchen to lean against the couch, “is that so?” He nodded once and smiled to himself, “it was so vivid. You were standing there while this guy called you names.” I giggled a bit, “I was so close to socking the bastard.” C.C simpered as he continued, “you were the most interesting man I had ever met. You were twenty five, intelligent, kind, and brave to a fault.” 

“Now look at me,” I gestured to myself “I’m 31, a college dropout and married to the most wonderful man in all of New York.” Carter chuckled, “you can’t be married to yourself love.” I threw the vegetables I had chopped into the frying pan and approached my husband. “Aren’t you a little old to be flirting?” I joked as I cupped his face. “I’m 37 not 100 you dumb dora,” he quipped. I grinned as I turned back to the kitchen, “mmhm you keep telling yourself that sugar.”

"I have a dumb question," Carter said calmly, "if i went missing would you look for me?" I whipped around, "I'd look for you til the end of time. I'd look for you even if I was dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw we love them


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Carter set my gun on the table, “are you a good shot?” I looked up at him and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’d like to think so,” I answered and took a bite of my food. “Do you think you could make a fatal shot from three yards away?” My first thought was, ‘yes of course,’ but I had to remember he didn’t know that yet. “I think so,” I stood up, “if I had the right vantage point. What’s with all the questions?” He sighed and pulled me into a hug. “I’ve been worrying about taking you with me,” he said, “and I’m scared of putting out there. Not that I think that you can’t handle yourself, I’m just worried if I ball things up.” I pulled back and cupped his face, “Charles, how long have you done this job?” His eyes closed, “almost 20 years,” he answered, “and how many times have you balled up?” He opened his eyes and looked at me, “only once.” I kissed his cheek, “then we’ll be fine. I put all my faith in you.” Carter smiled and pecked my cheek, “you always know what to say. That’s one of the many reasons I married you.” I chuckled and pulled away, “same here you dumb dora. Now let’s get ready, this case won’t solve itself.” 

Yes, Carter allowed me to be his partner in his investigation. He was after Jesse Fear, just like his brother was. C.C wanted to catch him badly, I wanted him dead, and I was pretty sure my husband wouldn’t of minded if the boy did die. It had been a couple of weeks since our clandestine wedding, and I was more than ready to start working with him. However, there was an underlying fear that held me back to the slightest degree. I was worried that he would see the murderous, practically savage part of myself. It terrified me. I know Carter, I know he wouldn’t have hated me, but I was rightfully frightened. C.C always soothed my nervous soul, and constantly reassured me of his love. Being an ex-murderer wasn’t easy. Anway, we decided that we’d go down to the precinct that McClintock works at for some files. My husband didn’t know we knew each other, or at least knew each other well. Ben and I had an odd relationship. We got along well enough since we had a common goal. That goal being, to keep C.C safe. 

“Hey there Charlie,” a young man greeted as we walked into the precinct. My husband waved with faux kindness and kept walking. “Charlie?” I asked incredulously and nudge me in the ribs, “don’t ask.” A few more officers greeted him and asked about me, which he answered somewhat truthfully. I think I heard the response, ‘he’s helping me with an investigation’ at least seven times before we got to his brothers desk. Hell, I’m pretty sure McClintock asked and received the same thing as the other officers did. “C.C, Ricky,” he greeted coolly, “Nice to see you both. How can I help you?” Carter glanced sideways at me as if asking ‘how does he know you?’ My husband smiled politely and leaned on the desk, “I need all your files on the queer kid Fear.” Ben made a noise then looked at me, “you’re after him too, huh?” I nodded once, “yes sir,” I looked him dead in the eye and mouthed, ‘he sold me out to the cops.’ His brows furrowed then raised in surprise, “I’ll be damned.” Carter looked at his twin curiously, as Banjo continued, “I can’t believe both of us are working the same case. It’s like old times.” The detective gave us a nod of approval, “I’ll get you those files, wait here.” 

I sat on the desk and pull out a box of cigarettes. “Wanna bum a smoke doll?” I asked as I placed one in my mouth. He shrugged and took one, I lit both of ours with the same match. “You seem to know Benjamin well,” he said, “well enough for him to call you Ricky.” I took a drag and looked at him, “remember that time I had a heart attack in jail a few years ago?” C.C made a face, but nodded. “He arrested me then,” I waved my hand to clear the smoke in front of me, “and he arrested me long before then.” A look of genuine shock filled my husbands face, “really?” “Yessir,” I tapped my fingers on the table, “I must’ve been nineteen then. Your brother arrested me for public indecency and assaulting an officer.” The cigarette practically fell out of his mouth, “assault of an officer??” I nodded once, “you remember Lee?” my husband nodded once, “I was around nineteen and we had just left a party. He was drunk and he kissed me. Your brother came up and tried to cuff me so I socked him.” Smoke billowed into the air around his brothers desk. He looked over at me and smiled, “there are many sides to you Ricky.” I returned the warm look, “that is it true,” I said and he added quickly, “never knew you could be violent.” I put my cigarette out on Ben’s ashtray, “only if you’re on a bad one.” 

We got the files and went home. Carter and I read over them and decided a few focal points in our investigation. After he took over my job, Jesse had made quite a name for himself. I told C.C that Mr. Fear was just a copycat, and that the real Hollywood Hunter wasn’t our problem. He agreed and we continued on. My past crimes weren’t apart of this now. I said he most likely murdered Randy Johnson and Carter wholeheartedly agreed. From there we’d had to rack of a body count from Johnson to now and see what fits the profile. There was about seven at the time. We were up until 2am that night. “It’s late babe,” he murmured as he glanced up from his papers, “you should get some rest.” I reached over the table and held his hand, “I’ll go to bed when you do.” My husband rolled his eyes at me, “you’re so stubborn James.” I smiled and kissed his hand, “I know.” Let’s just say, it didn’t take much convincing after that. Sure, he wasn’t worried about himself, but I was and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me, so if I asked him to rest, he would do it. That may sound like a ‘tell me to jump and I’ll say how high’ situation, but it wasn’t. We loved each other and respected each other’s opinion and decisions more than anyone else’s. That’s just how we were. I wish I could go back to that time so much. 

I just—I don’t mean to get sentimental on you like this. It’s really hard for me to get this all out, especially when I see him all the time. Yes yes I know it’s not actually him but still. I just miss him, you know?

Anyway, before I break I want to tell you how we managed to find Jesse again. Well, not find him but get his general location and work space. It took a lot of sleepless nights for the both of us to even get close, and even then we were still so far away. We went weeks without figuring out a goddamn thing. C.C was irritated as all get out, and I was desperate to figure out a way to find the little fucker. Lucky for us, a friend of mine found a way for us. Jake called me one night after my husband was asleep and gave me an idea. “Look, I know the last time I made a plan, Banjo shot you,” he said, “but I think this could work out.” I chuckled, “sweetheart I let you shoot me. What’s the plan?” He said that he’d have one of his underlings slip an address under our front door that night with a message. All I had to do was convince him to go to the place. “Does ol’ Lucky know I’m a detective's assistant?” Jake made a noise, “Yeah he does, but he doesn’t care. He knows you’re leaving him alone.” 

Just as planned, we woke up at 10am and I began to make breakfast. Carter went out to check the mail, then rushed back into the house and slammed the door. “Ricky!” he called out, “come here! You need to see this!” I turned the gas off and walked over to him. The note was in his hands, and he looked furious. In very fancy letters, the note read:  
‘Dear Tinsley, I heard you were looking for a pest, we might be able to help. Meet us in the warehouses over by the docks. P.S: bring your little boy toy with you, I’d love to see him again  
-Jake

“I’m gonna kill every last one of those motheruckers,” he growled and tossed the paper across the room. “Baby please relax,” I put my hand on his shoulder, and leaned into him. We stood there for a second before I suggested that we should go to the warehouse. “Why do you wanna put yourself in danger, love?” I sighed and kissed his cheek, “for the same reason you do. To catch the bad guy.” He looked at me and took my hand. “I can’t lose you Ricky…” I squeezed his hand tight, “you won’t.” 

That old Chrysler pulled up to a very familiar dingy warehouse. I murdered men in that place, and I was held “hostage” in that place. I looked around for a car, but I didn’t spot one. C.C got out of the car, and I followed suit. We walked into that place, but no one was there. I started tracing objects, things I remembered from working in there and being the person at the epicenter of mob business. There was an old chair in the center of the place, I traced the wood as a knelt beside it. Banjo could hit hard. He could probably smash a brick wall if he tried hard enough. “James?” My husband called out, “is something the matter?” I closed my eyes and gripped the arms of the torture I bestowed upon monsters among men. “I-” my eyes stared deep into his, “I was held here, this is where I was kept.” He knelt down next to me as I continued. “There’s so much blood on it,” I traced the claw marks on the arm rests, “so many people were murdered in this one spot. Everyone that sat in this goddamn thing died; everyone but me.” My husband put his arm around me, “I’m a monster, aren’t I?” He pulled me into his chest and held me tight. “You’re as human as they get.”

At least forty five minutes passed before Jake even arrived, and when he did, boy howdy was it a spectacle. He sauntered in with all of the personality and sexual appeal as he did when I first met him. However, he was gimping a bit. “Hello there Detective,” he flashed a devilish grin and waved at me, “Hey there pretty boy. ¿Cómo te sentiste al tener una bala en tu costado?” I grit my teeth and stepped towards him, “¿te gustaría saberlo?” He chuckled and put his hand behind his back. Jake pulled out a small revolver and pointed it at me. “Your friend is annoying Detective,” he cocked it and pointed it a little sideways. Not enough for him to notice, but enough for it to miss me. However, my husband was quite selfless, and quickly went to defend me. The bullet hit his hand when he pulled me to safety. “Carter!” I exclaimed, “you stupid fucker, let me see your hand.” I pulled a bandage out of my coat pocket and began to wrap his hand. You see, I always carried some medical equipment on me just in case. Carter cupped my face, “you need to leave,” he warned, “he’ll kill you the first chance he gets.” I didn’t look up as I replied, “he’ll have to kill me then. I won’t leave you alone on my own terms.” 

C.C tried to say something but of course, Jake cut him off, “do you want the goods on Fear or not?” My husband stood up, and walked towards him. “Give it to me,” he held his uninjured hand out but all Jake did was laugh. “I’m a mobster, not an idiot,” he joked, “it’s not a fair if there’s two of you and one of me.” He snapped his fingers and a very tall man with glasses stepped out of the shadows. The man looked over at his associate, who pointed directly at C.C, “take him out back, I wanna play with the latino boy for a little bit longer.” “No!” Tinsley ran towards me but the older guy seized him before he could get anywhere near close. They were out the door before I could even get a word out.   
“Heya there kitten,” he chuckled as he threw his arms in the air, “how about a little kiss for old times sake?” I smiled and shook my head, “I can’t. I’m insured.” His eyes widened, “You finally married him? Ricky that’s amazing, I’m really happy for you!” He held the papers out on Jesse, “consider this my wedding present then.” I rolled my eyes and took them from him. Jake was always an interesting fellow, and he was one of my closest friends. 

 

Here’s another thing about me. All of my closest friends are dead.

 

“Ricky,” Jake mumbled and traced the edges of his gun, “I need to ask a favor of you. It’s quite a big one, so you can say no if it’s too much.” I looked at him funny but I shrugged my shoulders and made a gesture for him to continue. He took a deep breath, “I’ve got polio Ricky. My left leg is already balled up to hell. It’s scary. I’ve already seen someone I love lose to this thing. I don’t want that for me. I’m not gonna die from this fucking diease Ricky, I’ve lived to wild a’ life to go out that way.” He turned the hilt of the gun to me and passed it to me. “I want you to shoot me Ricky,” I felt tears well up in my eyes, “Luciano and Scott already know I’m doing this.” Now the simplest way I can describe that moment was shock. Pure unadulterated shock.

I threw my arms around him and began to sob. He hugged me back and placed his head on my shoulder. “You’re feeding me a line right?” the pain slipped from my lashes and into his jacket, “You can’t die! I can’t let you! I-I.” He scoffed and buried his face in my neck, “I don’t want to die either, but I’d rather die a martyr for the mob than a regular man.” There’s something about losing a friend that sticks with you. Even now I remember his laugh and the way his eyes looked when I took the gun from him. I pulled away from him and tried my best to smile genuinely. “You were always hard boiled Jackaboy,” I said as I took the gun, “that’s probably why we get along.” He smiled and wiped the tears from his eyes, “I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met Ricky.”

I cocked the gun. “C’mon Hollywood Hunter,” he said with that stupid grin pastered on his face “let me be your last kill.” 

The shot rang through the air. Droplets of his blood landed on my face. I dropped onto my knees and cried. There was no sound, no nothing, just silent tears mixing with blood on my cheeks. I heard someone open the door and run in. “Ricky! Are you alright?” Carter knelt down next to me. “Babe, are you okay?” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “I killed him,” I choked, “I-I killed him C.C.” He pulled me into his arms and held me close. “I know baby, I know.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen

We got another lead on Jesse after a few months. I wasn’t sure if was ready to follow another one after what happened with Jake, but it was life or death in my eyes. Speaking of death, after Jake died, his roommate called me. I thought he would be angry, that he would hate me for slaughtering his best friend but he wasn’t. He actually said thank you. A fucking thank you, can you believe it? He told me that Jake was practically fell apart when he found out that he had polio, and that he didn’t want to die like some piker. His roommate explained that he was the one that coined the idea of being killed by the mafia and that Jake said, “I know just the wacko to do the job.” I was slightly offended, but it was nice to feel that way. Jake still managed to make me roll my eyes and chuckle, even in death. I miss him sometimes, but I think that he’s probably much happier wherever he is. 

“Mr. Goldsworth,” his friend said, “I know you probably feel guilty, that's why I called you. Jake was a good man, he was a little on the crazy side, but a good man nonetheless. He asked you to do this, and he’s--we are grateful for it. I just want you to know that he really did care about you, and that he respected you highly. I know words aren’t much, but I’m trying to ease your guilt. Even if it’s only a little bit.”

I tried to smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. “Thank you Scott. I’m sorry for your loss.” He scoffed, “same to you Mr. Goldsworth.” I was about to hang up but Scott blurted, “wait! I have a message from Jake. I don’t really know what it means but he said you would.” My eyebrows furrowed, “what is it?”

“You better get that motherfucker.” 

That inspired me to pursue that lead. I had a lot of things to fight for. Carter, Jordan, Peggy, Jake, and of course my darling baby Gidget. A new sense of determination filled me. If Fear was willing to fight dirty, I was too. I was gonna get that motherfucker even if it cost me my life. 

April 21st, 1928, it was raining, I remembered it well. This is, how did you put it? You say it often? Oh! Right! This is when shit got real. When I said Jesse fought dirty, I meant it. He had something I didn’t. The trust of the police. As a young, strongly built latino man, I looked threatening, and looking like that could put you in jail. You’ll never really understand what it was like for people like us back then. I really don’t expect you too or want you too. It was horrid, the things we had to go through. Sure, there’s racism now, and people are being killed now, but there's a difference. We only had each other, you all have a lot of noble white people. White people in your time are willing to fight against it, back then you were a dead man walking if you did even the slightest thing wrong. No one would protect you. They all thought you were scum if your skin was even a shade darker than snow. It wasn’t all ofay folk though. Some were wonderful; like Carter and Jordan and Ben, they were like gods gift to everyday life, and I can’t believe I’m saying this but thank god they had the jobs that they did. Jordan never discriminated against a patient, C.C and Ben always gave a fair trial to those who were colored. They made me hopeful that things would change, and they did. Society might have taken a few steps back in your eyes, but in mine, it's incredible that we manage to get this far.

I went on another tangent didn’t I? Sorry about that, I do that sometimes. Where was I?   
Oh right!

April 21st, 1928, it was around three o’clock when it happened. We were searching around for our informant but he never showed. However, someone else did. I didn’t recognize him so I thought he could be our informant. I brought it to Carters attention and of course, he laser-focused on the suspicious person. What happened next? To this day I’m still unsure. Someone knocked me upside the head and the next thing I knew, Carter was gone and it had stopped raining. I was frantic. I ran around like a bat out of hell desperately searching for my husband. I turned down an alleyway and that’s when I saw it. His wedding ring was on the ground in a puddle. Fear filled me, well not just fear. I saw red. I was more than ready to kill whoever took him and if had died, there would’ve been hell to pay for everyone involved. 

I called Ben the first chance I got. 

“C.C’s missing.”

“Fucking what now?” he replied, his anger very audible. “Someone set us up. They knocked me out and when I woke up, Carter was gone.” I heard tapping on the other end of the line. “Alright,” he rasped, “alright okay. I’ll send some beat cops to take a look. Go home Rick, I’ll swing by if they find anything.” I squeezed the phone so hard I almost broke it. “You’ll find him won’t you? Alive?” The silence was thick and heavy. It felt like hours before he spoke. “We’ll try.”

When I got home, Peggy was bouncing Giselle on her leg. “Hey there,” she breathed, her eyes said a lot, “I heard.” I grimaced and sat on the couch next to her. She placed her hand on my shoulder, “are you okay hun?” I shook my head and attempted to smile, “no but I have hope that they’ll find them or else.” Peggy playcatted me, “or else what?” My voice dropped and grit my teeth, “or else I’ll be in jail with 15 accounts of first degree manslaughter.” She chuckled, “there’s my boy.” I grinned a little bit, and stroked my nieces cheek. “Hey there Gidget,” I murmured, “how are you doing love?” She smiled broadly, “baby!” I chuckled and took her from her mom. She looked over at the dinner table and tilted her head. Peggy looked at her daughter curiously. Gidget turned to face me and pointed at the table and attempted to ask a question, then started crying while asking said question. “Oh dear,” I mumbled, “don’t cry love. It’s alright.” My friend looked over at me, “I think she’s looking for Carter.” I pulled my niece into a hug, “I miss him too baby girl. I miss him too..”

It was a rough night. Actually it was a rough three nights. Yes, he was missing for three days. It was hell. I didn’t sleep much, or eat much for that matter. The only thing that got me off my ass was to look for him. I knew I wasn supposed to, I knew I flinging myself into hot water but I didn't care. My husband was missing and I was gonna kill the bastard that took him from me. The hunter was back and he was pissed. 

I asked Luciano if he’d assist and he informed me that he was already involved because of Banjo. He mentioned someone by the name of Marcus Norris, apparently he knew 

I felt like I reverted to the old me. I mean the old me. The person I was when I still lived in Hollywood, when I was murdering bastards left and right. 

When I found Marcus, lord knows he didn’t last long in my custody. If he didn’t answer my questions I’d drag my blade across his legs. When he said he didn’t know where my husband was, I’d clock him in the jaw. After about an hour he told me that Jesse hired a few goons to hold him somewhere downtown. He begged me to let him go, practically pleaded with me. He said he wouldn’t tell. I didn’t care. He took my husband from me and I wanted to rip his heart out.

So that’s what I did.

The next person I kidnapped didn’t have anything on Carter so I shot him. The person after that said that Jesse planned to kill him in Central Park. I gutted him and drove to the park afterward. 

It was raining and I mean heavy rain. It was the kind of rain you see in movies. I looked around the park for at least an hour before I found him. Jesse had him on his knees, a gun placed to the back of his head. Fear smiled at me when he noticed I was there. “Afternoon Richard,” he provoked, “so you finally found us.” I stepped forward, pure hatred spread through me life fire. “Let my husband go,” I growled and the bastard laughed at me. “Now why would I do that?” he quizzed slowly pulling the gun away from Carters head. “Cause I know what you really want,” I took a deep breath and dropped onto my knees, “you want me.” Jesse practically squealed in excitement, “oh my Mr. Goldsworth! Are you really willing to sacrifice yourself for this lowlife?” I looked at C.C, he was shaking his head violently, but no words came out. I love him, more than anything I love him, and I swore that I would protect him with my life. I nodded once and closed my eyes. Fear didn’t need to say anything, I knew that he was satisfied with my answer.

Carter had always been my protector, my shield. Now it was my turn to protect him, to be his shield. 

Bam! Abdomen. Bam! Right chest cavity. Bam! 

Everything went silent, and my grip on life began to slip. My grip on the world began to slip. I knew it before I heard the shots, I wasn’t gonna make it out of this alive. To me, however, that was alright. My darling was safe, unharmed and most importantly alive. Carter ran towards me, the rain soaked his hair and clothes, albeit the trench coat.

“Ricky!” Tears streamed down his face along with rainwater. “Hey there Tinman,” I muttered, “are you hurt?” He shook his head and pulled me into his arms, the wounds throbbed. “I don’t think I’m gonna make it baby,” I coughed, blood trickled down my chin, “The wounds.. they’re fatal. It must’ve hit my liver and I think another just missed my heart.” He began to sob at this point, “why?” he asked, “why did you do that?” I smiled “because I love you C.C,” I replied, “I would do anything for you.” “Anything?” he choked out, his body wracked with sobs, “anything..” I repeated.

“Then you’ve got to live for me,” he cried out as his tears hit my face “please, Ricky please.” I felt a pain I had never felt before, it tore at my heart and it made me bleed a certain kind of sadness I had never experienced. He let out a gastly cry, it was loud and filled with infinite pain.

His scream rang through the air, barely affected by the rain. I began to cry. Guilt surged through me like a disease, and I was going to die with it deep in my stomach. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, tears poured from my eyes, “I’m so sorry Carter. I never meant to lie to you I’m so-” I was cut off by a coughing fit that inhibited my breathing for a short while. C.C looked around wildly as it poured; he had no way of knowing where to go. “Just focusing on your breathing,” he said, “I’ll save you, I promise.” I drew in a shaky breath, “don’t,” I rasped, “..don’t promise...you’ll never.. forgive.. your..your..” 

This is when my memory starts to get a bit hazy. I don’t remember the exact details but I do remember Carters voice, his touch, his face, and most importantly his eyes. They were full of deep pain and I wanted nothing more than to fix it, to stop him from hurting, but I couldn’t. “Smile,” I rasped, “I want the last memory...you.” He shook his head and flashed me a crooked smile, tears streamed down his face, “you’re something else Golden Boy. I love you so much.” I remember with the last bit of life I had in me, I kissed him. “You amaze me Mr. Tinsley,” I said “after years of hell, you made me believe in angels again.” The world began to fade and he whispered “I've never loved anyone the way I love you.” Things started going black but I remember the last thing I said, “thank you..” “for what?” “Loving me.”

Then it was dark and I mean pitch black. For a brief moment, I thought I was in hell. Suddenly it was bright and I was in a hospital in a city I didn’t know. I stared at a little baby boy from the other side of the glass. No one could see me, no one could hear me. I realized then that I had died. I became a spectator to earth and all its divinity. A mere ghost. And now I’m here, with you Ryan. I said this to you before, I really think that Carter and I were bonded by something deeper than love or the soul. We are soulmates. That’s why I think you met Shane. I watched you grow up, and I helped in whatever way I could. You can see me and hear me now Ryan! And maybe you could help me too. I just want to move on. I just want to be free from this earthly plain. I don’t care where I go after death, I don’t want to be here! Please Ryan, I just want to see Carter again.”

Silence filled the room. He felt sick to his stomach, overcome with everything he had just heard. At first, this entity was terrifying to him, but now he realized that this spirit was just tired and alone. The spirit wanted peace. “What happened to him?” The spirit asked, “what happened to Tinsley after I was gone?” Ryan took a deep breath before he said, “he was investigating a case of missing kids. I guess he got in too deep. Investigated the wrong people. C.C went missing, and no one ever knew what happened to him.” Ricky cupped his hands over his mouth and shook his head. The ghost sank to the ground. “Sounds just like him,” his voice was shaky, “stupid bastard.” Guilt filled Ryan to the brim. He knew it wasn’t his fault, he knew that Tinsley brought this upon himself, and that it happened long before he was even thought of, but still. Carter disappeared in 1945, Ricky had died seventeen years prior, yet Ryan felt responsible for them. He had to help them, in anyway he could. 

“Ricky,” he said quietly, “I want to help you.” The spirit looked up at him, “you what?” Ryan let out a deep breath, “I want to help you. To find peace, to move on. I want you to find closure.” Mr. Goldsworth flashed him a thankful smiled before he spoke. “That’s mighty kind of you,” he began, “but I’m not the only story you need to hear.” Before the ghost of Richard could continue, another spirit came into view. His style was dramatically different attire from the 1920s Murderer. He dawned a leather jacket and jeans, he had plenty of scars but a similar face to Ricky and Ryan. “This kid,” Ricky began, “also has a story, has a name, and needs help from you.” Bergara swallowed hard as his eyes flicked between the two pecters as they stood there. Normally, the man would be panicking at the sight of these beings, but it was different now. “Well,” Ryan said as he down on his bed, “what’s your story?”

The one in the leather jacket looked at the other Ricky for approval, which he silently gave. He stepped forward and took a deep breath, even though he didn’t need to anymore. 

“The year was 1954.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy balls I can’t believe I finally finished this story! It was so sad to write the final sentence of this amazing thing I’ve created. I know it’s not the best but I love it dearly and I hope you did too. This isn’t the end of the series though so don’t worry. Anyway thank you all for reading this and leaving kudos and whatever else you have done to support my work. I love y’all to death
> 
> -Meredith aka Tinsworthisundereated


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